Guy #1: The only kind of puke that’s acceptable to get on you is baby puke. Same with baby poop. All they eat is apples and pears and shit.
Guy #2: Oh, hell no. Baby poop is nasty. I don’t know what’s being put in their mouths, b—
Me: My dick!
Guys #1 & #2: [horrified stares]
Me: [two full minutes of maniacal cackling]
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Fun fact: infants who are not on solid food yet that only eat breast milk have sweet smelling stools.
The other day I was burping my nephew and I said, “I smell donuts.” My sister said, “See? Sweet-smelling.”
I was grossed out. But impressed.
So, your dick resembles a nipple in some manner?
You’ve gotta stop huffing the baby poop. Actually I was talking about it’s consistency. Nasty.