Good-looking girl at fencing club: That warm-up with all that jumping up and down made my butt jiggle.
Me: Yeah, that’s how you know you’re gaining weight.
Other girl: You’re not being very charming, Peter.
Me: Oh, I meant I know from experience. Uh, you know: love handles. Man-boobs.
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Recently I’d been trying to catch the attention of a girl who had been cat-sitting for my landlord. One suggestion was that I invite her to bring the cat downstairs “to help with my mouse problem.”
“I guess it’s probably because of my tendency to leave cheese and peanut butter all over the floor,” I suppose the conversation would have gone. “I’m quite slovenly.”