The old country way
Peter,
I haven’t seen an update to your blog recently and I haven’t received an e-mail. This indicates to me that you are dead. Please advise. From the afterlife, if necessary.
Tyler
I got this e-mail today, which points out that I haven’t posted in a while, which is true. And I meant to make up for it by posting some sort of good, long blog post. But then I went out to my fencing practice, and there was this new girl from Slovenia who stripped right down to her panties right in front of everyone while changing into her equipment, getting totally bare-breasted and everything, and then a bunch of us went out afterward and had a few drinks, and to make a long story short, I don’t feel much like writing a whole lot anymore.
In the meantime, I refer you to this video of the Iron Sheik, which keeps barking at me out of an open tab whenever I start Firefox. Now, as you know, I have complete respect for the Killer Bees, but it turns out that the Iron Sheik doesn’t totally agree. He thinks Jim Brunzell is a fine athlete and all-around stand-up guy, but when asked about his experience facing off against the Killer Bees at Wrestlemania III, he goes off on a wild tangent about how much he hates B. Brian Blair, who he thinks is a “dirty little gay”, and he gives much thought to how he should have dealt with him in the “old country way”, which would have been to “break his back, fuck his ass, make him humble”, but he never did this out of his respect for “God, Jesus, and Mr. McMahon” (aka the Holy Trinity). Other than that, though, he had a great time wrestling in front of 93,000 fans at the Pontiac Silverdome.
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Mr. Lynn,
Last week it was my birthday (yes, it really was), and even though you don’t know me and I imagine hardly care to, I am bitter that I did not receive any sort of gift from you. In recompense, I demand that you tell us the story of the semi-nude Slovenkian…the Slovikeni…the naked girl fencer. Use lots of sleazy adjectives. Thanks.
There’s no story there, really. This Slovenian girl showed up at our club for the first time, and when she changed into her gear, she got completely topless, although she was facing into a corner so it’s not like it was frontal nudity. Then she stripped down into her panties when she was putting on her fencing pants. She’s really pretty, too. Kind of flirty as well. She kept asking me to fence on Friday night, but I didn’t get a chance to take her up on it until last night, at which point I demolished her 7-1. That’ll teach her to play with me!
You lucky lucky man-whore. “Fencing,” forsooth! Obviously a eureph…a ephi…euryth…a word that means “boning”.
Wait, does the period go on the inside of the quotes? It just looks wrong.
Fencing does involve thrusting a large phallic object at another person, so it’s close enough to boning.
Basically, if you’re British, the period goes outside, but if you’re American, it goes inside. If you’re Canadian like me, you get to put it wherever you want.