Fuck You Mike Love
Any even slightly obsessive blogger spends at least some time perusing data to see who’s reading his or her blog and how they got there. For instance, I know that somebody in my old office was reading it earlier today. On the other hand, I have no idea who was reading it in Marietta, Georgia, today, although it does tempt me to start randomly insulting Marietta, Georgia, to see what kind of offended comments I get. (To that end, let me just say that The Big Chicken, Southern Polytechnic State University, and professional wrestler Marcus “Buff” Bagwell all suck.)
And of course, it’s always interesting to see what kind of search strings people are using to find one’s blog. For some reason, my top search string is “ben stiller”, even though I don’t remember saying much of consequence about Ben Stiller. Other ones that reliably crop up—and will draw even more hits now that I’m mentioning them again—are “johnny cash middle finger poster”, “enumclaw horse”, and “how much money do bank tellers make”. (I don’t know exactly how much bank tellers make, but I’m pretty sure they outearn the guy who drives the wood chip truck.)
And I’ve gotten a few hits off people searching for things like “i hate mike love” and “mike love asshole”, which may give you an idea of how I feel about the last standing Beach Boy (as may this post). My hatred for Mike Love is exceeded only by my hatred for Murry Wilson, who I always think partially deafened his son Brian by holding his ear against a red-hot stove until I remember that the stove thing actually happened to Teddy Duchamp in Stand by Me. (However, Murry may have partially deafened Brian by hitting him in the head with a two-by-four, which is hardly better.) That I have apparently become one of the internet’s pre-eminent Mike Love haters is only confirmed by my happy discovery of the usage of “Man vs. Clown! blog” as a tag on this YouTube video of my new favorite song, “Fuck You Mike Love” by Hogpig. (Along with Wikipedia—without which I would have no idea how to insult Marietta, Georgia—this blog is actually listed as a credit, so I think my earlier post may have in fact furnished some useful background research in the making of the video.) It reminds me of Furnaceface’s “We Love You, Tipper Gore”, which is appropriate, since Mike Love gave Tipper $5000 in start-up capital to start up the PMRC to censor pop music. I can’t decide what I like more—the “We like you” spoken shout-outs to the various other original Beach Boys followed by a spoken “Fuck you, Mike Love” or the observation that there have been occasions on which he has shown sound commercial instincts, such as his co-writing, lead singing, and sax playing on “Kokomo”, which is damning by faint praise if there ever was such a thing. (I have to admit, though, that while I hate Mike Love, I don’t really hate “Kokomo”, which contains some nice vocals from Carl that redeem it in my view. Now if you’re looking for an utterly worthless Mike Love song, you want “Student Demonstration Time”, which is basically the sound of a gracelessly balding man taking a shit on a piece of vinyl.)
Bonus! I’ve never gotten MySpace. By that, I don’t mean that I’ve never understood its appeal. I mean that I’ve been seriously confused anytime I’ve found myself on a MySpace page. What’s happening? Why is this music playing? Who are all these people? Where is the content I came here to look at? But now, I’ve found a MySpace page that I do get: Murry Wilson’s MySpace page (Or, as I like to call it, the “I’m Bugged at MySpace Old Man” page). Well, I don’t quite get how someone who died in 1973 is running a MySpace page, but the rest of it seems pretty straightforward to me.
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