There’s a new article of mine at Cracked.com right now called The 10 Most Disastrous Saturday Morning Cartoon Adaptations, thus fulfilling the site’s mandate to provide snarky pop-cultural overanalysis in list form. But it may be more entertaining to just skip right to the bottom and enjoy the flame war in the comments.

Girl: I’m not sure you know this, but John has lupus.
Me: He’s a werewolf?
Girl: What?
Me: Maybe I’m thinking of lycanthropy.
Girl: Lupus is an immune system disease. It’s like the opposite of AIDS.
Me: So the cure for lupus is AIDS?
Girl: No, it’s when the body fights itself.
Me: Like when your big brother makes you hit [...]

I’m going to play Paul Lukas for a minute here: I’ve been watching a little preseason hockey and getting my first exposure to the new NHL uniforms. I don’t hate them. But there is one little thing that bugs me: the way the bottom of the jersey is cut. It’s not straight, but dips in [...]

Though bachelor parties involve Vegas rules, I was going to break the code of silence to mention this one incident last night. However, I was simply in no condition. However, I did mention it to Candace, and now that she’s paid poetic tribute to it, here’s the backstory.
When we were out celebrating the Other Peter’s [...]

“I’ve been pulling all these French translations out of my ass. Who knew my ass spoke French? Been Frenched, sure.”
“I beat up enough hookers in real life that it’s hardly escapism to do it in a video game.”
“Oh, I guess she’s not here today because it’s Rosh Hashanah. Shes off being penitent and blowing the [...]

Brian Wilson
While his sloppy, rough-and ready production style earned him the nickname “Basher” and accolades as a West Coast proto-punk pioneer and the so-called “grandfather of grunge”, Brian Wilson was nevertheless an enthusiastic early adopter of quadraphonic sound. The strong-willed and fearless musical director of the Beach Boys always followed his own path, famously taking [...]

Goatee-related japery aside, the most obvious gag to be made about a mirror-universe version of myself is that he’d actually be the good one, thus making me the evil twin.
But this isn’t really accurate. While a Captain Kirk might be such a paragon of heroic virtue that his doppelgänger couldn’t help but be a raving [...]

When I got home tonight, the house reeked of vodka and Salt ‘n’ Pepa’s “Shoop” was blaring in the living room. Toula and her sister Gina were having a party to celebrate that they weren’t going camping. Something about that doesn’t quite make sense, but I wasn’t going camping either, so I had some ice [...]

Candace: What’s your favorite song?
Peter: My stock answer used to be the Hendrix version of “All Along the Watchtower”, but I haven’t actually heard it in years.
Candace: Do you have stock answers to a lot of questions?
Peter: I usually say no to that.

When I moved my blog from its home at Cracked, you may have wondered why I didn’t return it to its previous home at Blogger. (If you have wondered this, you are almost certainly Scott and are also wondering when you’ll be able to post things like you used to.) The reason I didn’t [...]