Six Degrees of Paris Hilton: From Paris Hilton to unidentified minor

26May08

Paris Hilton supposedly slept with Tom Sizemore, who’s alleged to have made a sex tape with Elizabeth Hurley, who was famously cuckqueaned by Hugh Grant, who presumably at least knows Bridget Jones author Helen Fielding, who co-wrote a celebrity-hookup book called Who’s Had Who, which heavily inspired the article I’ve got on Cracked right now called Six Degrees of Paris Hilton: The Global Reach of One Vagina. That article is trimmed down from a much longer work of scholarship involving an enormous spreadsheet including hundreds of names, names I’m revealing here in supplementary posts, names like Henry Kissinger, Arsenio Hall, José Canseco, George S. Patton, all five Spice Girls, and — yes — Kevin Bacon.

From Paris Hilton to Nick Carter
Hilton ended an eight-month relationship with Backstreet Boy Nick Carter in 2004, only two weeks after he had her name tattooed on his wrist. Hey, just like Tom Sizemore! Shortly after their split, Carter’s ex was seen with a busted lip and suspiciously bruised arms. Hey, just like Tom Sizemore!

From Nick Carter to Debra LaFave
Carter’s also been linked to Willa Ford, Ashlee Simpson, and, oddly, Kathy Griffin, who claimed on The Tyra Banks Show that he’s illiterate. (Carter has been photographed reading The Da Vinci Code and claims The Celestine Prophecy as his favorite book, which really does little to disprove Griffin’s claims.) But despite his many famous conquests, he claimed on The Howard Stern Show in 2006 that he lost his virginity to classmate Debra LaFave back he was still just a schoolboy in Florida.

From Debra LaFave to unidentified minor
If you can name another schoolboy who lost his virginity to Debra LaFave, then, well, you’d probably be breaking the law. As a 23-year-old teacher, LaFave gained notoriety in 2004 when she was charged with statutory rape for having sexual relations with a 14-year-old boy. Even Hilton must be a little unsettled to realize she’s only two degrees of separation from a child molester — even a hot, blonde one.

For the four most amazing — and frequently alarming — hookup chains, check out the article Six Degrees of Paris Hilton: The Global Reach of One Vagina on Cracked.com.

Also check out Who’s Dated Who, which was helpful in the research and from which I shamelessly swiped the above photos!


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