Out for a Kill
There’s a new article over at Cracked called The 6 Least Plausible Jobs Held by Steven Seagal Characters. I admit I haven’t been keeping up with Seagal’s oeuvre. As implausible as it is that Seagal himself continues to hold the job of actor, ever since I heard about Gene LeBell choking him into incontinence, his standing as a tough guy is a little diminished too.
The revelation in the article, though, is that he has a movie I’ve never heard of called Out for a Kill. Now he’s just blatantly cramming his old movie titles together to make new ones. Out for Justice plus Hard to Kill equals Out for a Kill. I guess Hard Justice must have already been taken.
I’ll just take the liberty of brainstorming some titles for his next few straight-to-video projects and save him the trouble of thinking them up. Coming soon from Steven Seagal:
- Out for Death
- Marked for the Law
- Above the Siege
- Exit Decision
- Executive Wounds
- Above Down Below
- Above Down Below 2: Under Down Below
- Hard to Dead
- Half Past Kill
- On Deadly Glimmer Man
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The true secret of comedy lies in phrases like “Hard to Dead”.
This may be a good time to mention that years ago, my friend Craig used to like to work all of Steven Seagal’s formulaic movie titles into one sentence by saying, “Steven Seagal is marked for death, but he’s hard to kill because he’s above the law.”
Hey, I was basically about to say what Robert Hutchinson did but he did it for me. Thanks, Robert Hutchinson!
You’re welcome, Scott.
. . . to kill.
One would just assume that “Hard Justice” is an adult film.
It’s actually a Charles Napier film, not to mention a series of TNA wrestling pay-per-views.