Bugger my Page

07Jul08

[00:56] Peter: You do have a flair for unnecessary dramatics, if you will.

[00:57] Susan: That’s how I live my life. Don’t try to change me, baby.

[00:58] Peter: I wouldn’t dream of it. The world needs its drama queens, and you’re better qualified than most. What with the degree in drama. And the royal blood. (You do have royal blood, right?)

[01:00] Susan: Someone way back in my bloodline must have been seduced by some kind of lord. Lords got around more, back in the day

[01:00] Peter: It helps that they were always drunk as lords.

[01:02] Susan: Well, they wouldn’t want their lordships revoked, would they?

[01:06] Peter: Speaking of which, have you ever heard of the 17th century rakehells called the Merry Gang? Drunkest. Lords. Ever.

[01:10] Peter: http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/article588410.ece

[01:10] Peter: From one of Rochester’s poems:

‘I rise at eleven, I dine about two,
I get drunk before seven, and the next thing I do,
I send for my whore, when for fear of a clap,
I spend in her hand, and spew in her lap;
There we quarrel and scold till I fall fast asleep’ -
…
‘I storm and I roar, and I fall in a rage,
And missing my whore, I bugger my page:
Then, crop-sick, all morning, I rail at my men,
And in bed I lie yawning till eleven again.’

[01:11] Peter: He claimed to have been continually drunk for five straight years. That’s the gold standard.

[01:11] Susan: Wow. I want to see the man’s liver.

[01:12] Peter: “Surrounded by doctors, clerics, his mother, his wife and children, he died in the summer of 1680, aged 33. In 1979, after rumours that manuscripts were buried in his family vault, his coffin was opened. Inside a lead box was a casket that had contained his heart and entrails, ensuring that he could not rise from the dead.” So, find that box.

[01:12] Peter: At 34, I’ve officially outlived not only John Belushi and Chris Farley, but also the Earl of Rochester.

[01:14] Susan: I’d only be impressed about you out-living him if you’d also been drunk on a five year binge once

[01:15] Peter: Well, I spent that long at university. That would have been my best chance. I did get drunk enough to bugger a page once, though. Unfortunately it was Steven Page from the Barenaked Ladies.

[01:18] Susan: I hardly think that counts. Pages had unfortunate haircuts and fetched things. Page has a fantastic baritone and a lyrical soul.

[01:19] Peter: And an asshole like the Chicago Loop, after I finished with him.

[01:20] Susan: I’m judging myself for laughing at that.

[01:22] Peter: I fucked him so hard it affected his lyrical content for three albums.

[01:22] Susan: So, Everything to Everyone through The Barenaked Ladies Are Men?

[01:23] Peter: It was like from Stunt through to Everything to Everyone. They had to do the holiday album just as a palate cleanser.

[01:24] Susan: Hey, I loved Maroon!

[01:24] Peter: That album is completely about ass-blasting.

[01:24] Peter: So you must love that too.

[01:25] Peter: It’s pretty damned sick of him to write a song called “Baby Seat” about sodomy.

[01:25] Peter: What the hell, Steven Page?

[01:27] Susan: GodDAMNit, now I’m going to end up listening to that album and scrutinizing it for references to sodomy. Thanks a lot.

[01:29] Peter: It would have made a hell of a master’s thesis.

Susan is the author of the blog Unnecessary Dramatics.

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