In which things come full circle


Of the scenarios listed previously, what actually happened is either scenario #1 or a combination of #1 and #3; While lots of mail for Ruddy Ruddy may well have arrived over the holidays, only to be thrown out by my brain-damaged housemate, I returned to find at least one letter in the mailbox.

My excitement mounted when I saw the message printed on the outside: Your new card is enclosed. Please confirm receipt by 2/15/04. Could it be, I wondered, that I’d acheived one of my big goals for Ruddy Ruddy — namely, to get him a credit card?

Alas, no. However, the contents of the envelope were far from disappointing. I discovered upon opening the envelope that the career of Ruddy Ruddy had come full circle. Faithful readers familiar with the Ruddy Ruddy origin story will recall that the original Ruddy Ruddy (the Kingston-based incarnation who was the inspiration for the modern Toronto-based one) was apparently a member of Columbia House. Now, years later, this envelope contained a preferred membership card for the Columbia House Movie Club in the name of one Ruddy Ruddy, entitling him to take any 5 DVDS or videos for just 49 cents each.

I never thought Columbia House would invite Ruddy Ruddy to join again. Do they think that this is a different Ruddy Ruddy? Or have they forgotten the previous one? Or have they just forgiven him? If the last is true, did the original Ruddy Ruddy not defraud them too badly, then? Or could it be that Ruddy Ruddy played it honest with Columbia House and didn’t defraud them at all? If so, why not? Could it be because there’s a real Ruddy Ruddy walking around somewhere, one unwilling to spoil his credit history? Or have I been ruining the spotless credit record of the real McCoy?

These questions are too dizzying to contemplate. However, a more immediate question presents itself: To take the DVDs or not to take the DVDs? I don’t think I will, since that, unlike taking all the freely given swag sent to Ruddy Ruddy thus far, would be real fraud.

However, were I to cash in, the best thing to do would probably to keep the demographic profile of Ruddy Ruddy as confusing as before by selecting a wide variety of movies that no one person could be expected to like. Accordingly, my picks from the little postage-stamp sheet are:

1. Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood
2. Scarface
3. Frida
4. Jackass: The Movie
5. Stuart Little 2

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