What I now do on weekends: The official story

30Sep04

Purpose: To conduct an experiment involving workplace conversation that verges on the phatic.

Method: From now on, I’m going to respond to the question “Weekend plans?” with “Going to the dentist.” Similarly, I’ll respond to “Do anything interesting on the weekend?” with “Went to the dentist.”

The first time I did this — before and after last weekend, when it was actually true — it struck me as being about the most banal answer I could be giving about what I’d been doing on the weekend. But if I keep answering this way, it gets more interesting. People will start to ask if I have some kind of chronic dental problem. This leads me to Stage Two of my plan: “Oh no — just for a cleaning,” I’ll say.

First, I’ll just seem really boring, but if I keep giving the impression that I’m going in for a professional cleaning every week, people are going to eventually come to believe that I’m incredibly neurotic about my teeth. This happens, of course, to be true. But I want to see how long it takes people to come to this conclusion. I’ll bet it takes a few weeks before people realize I’m always answering the question the same way.

Also, I’m curious to see how long it takes for a rumour to leak down to Human Resources about how I’m bankrupting the company through my profligate abuse of the dental plan.



One Response to “What I now do on weekends: The official story”

  1. 1 ergregte

    you canuckians are so lucky with your dentists that are open on weekends


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