Bam! Bam! Bam! Bam! Bam! Bam!


From the Cheney/Edwards debate last night:

EDWARDS: The vice president, I’m surprised to hear him talk about records. When he was one of 435 members of the United States House, he was one of 10 to vote against Head Start, one of four to vote against banning plastic weapons that can pass through metal detectors.

He voted against the Department of Education. He voted against funding for Meals on Wheels for seniors. He voted against a holiday for Martin Luther King. He voted against a resolution calling for the release of Nelson Mandela in South Africa.

If the debate had been Street Fighter (and I wish that they would settle this sort of thing through some sort of personal combat) that flurry would have been a six-hit combo that would have drained Cheney’s energy bar and scored Edwards a flawless victory for the round. In real life, Cheney didn’t actually die, but his political career might have — he just had no comebacks for any of these savage body blows.

6 Responses to “Bam! Bam! Bam! Bam! Bam! Bam!”

  1. 1 Scott

    Man, that Combo is so cheap. That D. Cheney… I bet he doesn’t even have any nipples.

  2. 2 The Apologist

    I’m a bit of a Bush/Cheney partisan and I come here for the funny not political arguments. But I think you’re dead wrong on this so I’m gonna go ahead and argue.1. Against Head Start and Dept. of Edu.- Duh. He’s a Republican. 2000 was the first year that the Republican Party Platform didn’t formally object to the existence and pledge to work toward the abolition of the Department of Education. How is his voting the Republicans formal position damning?2. Plastic weapons in metal detectors. Like Dick Cheney is too soft on security? Where have you been for the last three years?3. MLK and Nelson Mandela. Bush got 9% of the black vote in 2000, not a lot to lose there. He appointed Condeleeza Rice and Colin Powell to two of the most important cabinet positions in the U.S. govt. The Sec. of Edu. is Rod Paige. Cheney and Rice are very good friends and before the argument on Iraq Cheney and Powell were at least friendly. Cheney as a racist? Good luck selling that.4. Meals on Wheels. Got me there. Who knew Dick hated old people? That one might sell. If they hadn’t passed the largest expansion of Medicare since it’s inception.It’s not enough to point out unpopular or contradictory votes. What you imply with that info has to at least be plausible. Cheney voted against a lot of Defense funding in the mid 90’s too, but it doesn’t matter because no one thinks Dick is a dove. Nor does anyone who’s even slightly paying attention think Kerry is a hawk, “reporting for duty” or not.

  3. 3 Peter Lynn

    Whether I’m wrong or not, the debates are, for better or worse, largely about superficial public perception. They’re not so much about who’s right or wrong, but who comes off looking better. On the whole, I actually call the Cheney/Edwards debate a tie on style, since Cheney misrepresented the truth a lot, but did it coolly and convincingly. On substance, I give it to Edwards, who I think comes out ahead once the fact-checkers have done their work. But that’s my view of it, and your mileage may vary. I should point out, though, that you offered more of a defense of Cheney than he was able to himself, and I wonder why his own response was so feeble.But as I said, it’s about style, and that’s why most polls and commentators would rate the debate a tie, as I did. And whether it’s all superficial perceptions or not, the average viewer had to be pretty appalled at Cheney being against children, old folks, and black people, but for Glock pistols. Advantage: Edwards.Of course, you should keep in mind that I’m Canadian, and thus, practically a communist.

  4. 4 The Apologist

    Ahhhhh…Canadian, of course. Well that makes your analysis much more reasonable. John Edwards desire to swaddle you in nationalized healthcare and let you suckle at his big business hating teats is much more compelling in the Frozen North than down here in the Wild West. And we don’t urinate ourselves at the sight/sound of handguns either, so his plastic glock story is kind of a non-sequiter for us. Still, after he and that great lumbering Boston Brahman are humiliated by Darth Vader and Billy the Kid, maybe they could move to Canada along with everyone I’ve spoken to that was going to vote for them and you could all vote for them there. I should clarify that all those Kerry voters are leaving on their own self confessed volition. Canada’s gonna have a lot of unemployed Americans to take care of on November 3.

  5. 5 Peter Lynn

    In the words of Kool Moe Dee, “Guns? We don’t like to use ’em / Unless — our enemies choose ’em / We prefer to fight like a man / Beat you down with our hands and bodyslam you” in the wild, wild … er, north.But personally, I love the guns. and I’m all for your Second Amendment. You’ve got to have something to keep the government in line. And you might be pleased to know that I spent a significant part of our Thanksgiving day weekend picking off pop cans with a pellet gun. Turns out I’m a crack shot with a rifle. Then I went into work today and bragged about my sniper skills to my boss and hinted that he’d do well to remember about this when it’s time for my next raise.

  6. 6 The Apologist

    Thanksgiving in October? WTF? Is this some subtle Canadian plot to steal our holidays by celebrating them before we do and then telling the rest of the world that we’re following your lead? What madness is this when Canadians celebrate American holidays commemorating the dinner between the Indians and the Pilgrims? Or is this just the Americanization of your annual harvest festival? And can that possibly be the correct spelling of “commemorating”? I sincerely doubt it.

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