Bust up my knee


I had a freak accident yesterday on the subway. An old, fat man sat down in the seat in front of me. He was wearing loose pants (despite being fat) and he had something hard about the dimensions of a chequebook sitting kind of sideways in his pocket, so it jutted way out as he sat down. The edge of this thing lodged under my kneecap, and it acted as a lever by the force of his big ass sitting down, so he suddenly just about pried my patella off in a really painful way. Now my knee is sore and makes clicking noises whenever I bend it.

He was oblivious to the whole thing and is just lucky I didn’t kill him. Father Time will take care of that soon enough, I figure. Smog season is coming up, so with luck, the first good heat wave will take him out.

So I’m in a surly mood. All the above doesn’t explain the following, but hey, I was in a surly mood before. Here’s how I passed along some knowledge this week:


Me: Basically, fewer is used with countable entities. Otherwise, use less.

Other person: But you can count basically anything! Give me an example of when you’d use less.

Me: “You are less intelligent than I am.”


Me: “E.g.” means “for example”. “I.e.” means “that is”. So, you use “e.g.” when you want to give some examples of things. For instance, “There are some people in this room — e.g., me, you, him.”

Other person: What about “i.e.”?

Me: You use “i.e.” when you’re referring to a specific thing. For instance, “There is one good-looking person in this room — i.e., me.”


Me: All right, this looks mostly okay, except for here, where it says, “sign-up for more information.” You don’t put a hyphen in “sign up” when you’re using it as a phrasal verb.

Other person: I can never remember that.

Me: It’s like if I were to put a hyphen in “fuck-off”.

Other person: Oh, I get it! I won’t forget that!

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