The week in Quipmastery!


Me: People have been stealing my ideas forever! It’s time for everyone to stop feeding at the trough that is Peter Lynn!

Co-worker: That’s an odd turn of phrase.

Me: Don’t steal it!

* * *

Me: I wouldn’t go work for the competition if they paid me! [beat] Although if I did, I would expect them to pay me.

* * *

Me: I was so stressed out Monday. I thought I was going to completely murder someone.

Co-worker: If you murdered someone, I would expect you’d have to do it completely.

Me: Well, I’m a bit of a quitter.

* * *

Co-worker [high-fiving me]: There, now we are friends again.

Me: When were we not?

Co-worker: You have mood swings sometimes.

Me: Shut the hell up!

* * *

Co-worker: Man, today whipped by. I looked at the clock and it was 9:00. Then I looked again, and it was 4:58.

Me: Oh, sorry. I set that ahead. You’ve actually got to stick around for a while yet.


8 Responses to “The week in Quipmastery!”

  1. 1 Steve Ely

    Because you realized some of us may have gotten the idea you were funny, you felt it necessary to clear up the confusion.Is this what’s happened here?

  2. 2 Peter Lynn

    Pretty much, yeah.

  3. 3 Peter Lynn

    The Quipmaster usually only says lame things and then says “Quipmaster!” to make it seems like it was a masterstroke of wit. For similar reasons, I also used to have a gimmick around the house of following up every one-liner with a sweet harmonica lick.

  4. 4 Steve Ely

    You should do the harmonica thing with stuff on the blog, too. Actually, for all we know, you do already.

  5. 5 Peter Lynn

    Steve, you’ll notice I’m now quoting you in my sidebar. Thank you. Sadly, my housemates Shanel and Dan took their harmonica with them when they moved out.But you’ve made me think with the harmonica thing: I’ve come up with aliases to cover a wide variety of situations, say, if I ever become a Founding Father (James Tyler Penn), a romance novelist (Chastity Mountjoy), a female porn star (Buffy Millwood), a drug dealer (Good Time Billy Ray), or a pimp (Silky Jones. But I do not have a name for if I become a Delta bluesman. I need to think about this.

  6. 6 Steve Ely

    It’s good that you’re being careful to prepare for any contingency. I haven’t given any thought to the alias question, and if I suddenly find myself a romance novelist, for instance, I may be apt to panic and name myself Millwood Billy Time.

  7. 7 Scott

    Ever since you started the harmonica thing at my place a couple of years ago I’ve been intending to buy you a slide whistle to go along with it. In those two years I’ve never once seen a slide whistle that was available for purchase.You should also know that I will not, under any circumstances, buy you a trombone.

  8. 8 Peter Lynn

    I should mention that the true effectiveness of the harmonica gimmick comes from sheer volume. The sudden blast of harmonica makes it nearly impossible for the victim of the quip to make any sort of retort without being drowned out.Now that I’m thinking of what I could do with a trombone, it’s truly dizzying. It’s harder to just whip out suddenly, but what volume and resonance!

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