Peter Lynn: World’s Greatest Dad


“So how old are your kids anyway?” asked the intern.

“What?” I asked, because I don’t have kids.

She pointed at my trophy that I won a couple of years back for winning a weight-loss contest, which I relabeled a while ago for no particular reason to read “World’s Greatest Dad”.

“Oh,” I said. “He’s eight. Want to see a picture?” I pointed to my picture of Gary Coleman meeting a towel-clad Mark Messier.* “Here’s us together.”

“Ugh,” she said. “I can’t believe I fell for that. Don’t tell anybody about this.”

“I won’t,” I said.

* Incidentally, I’m pretty sure the dialogue immediately before that photo went like this:

Mark Messier: Say it! Say it with my name!
Gary Coleman: Uh … whatchoo talkin’ bout, Mark Messier?

9 Responses to “Peter Lynn: World’s Greatest Dad”

  1. 1 Steve Ely

    “in-house body transformation”?

  2. 2 Anonymous

    Thanks for making me laugh before I had to go to work.Marlene

  3. 3 Peter Lynn

    Steve: My company is in the bodybuilding/weight-loss industry, so we have an annual contest for employees. I won two years ago by losing 41 pounds.

  4. 4 Steve Ely

    Wow. You are the world’s greatest dad.

  5. 5 Travis Tanner

    I think Messier’s balls are visible in that picture. Also, he is hardly “clad” in that towel. It looks like he is wearing napkin. Killer abs, though.

  6. 6 Nick Iannitti

    Is messier actually bald, or do you think Lays, just made him shave his hed for all of those TV spots? “A cleanly shaven man is as crisp and fresh as our potato chips”

  7. 7 Matt

    I was actually so intrigued by that question, or so bored during the last half hour at work, that I got up and went to check the cardboard cutout of Messier that we’ve got in our lobby.And man, that dude has a clean shave. I couldn’t spot any head stubble that would indicate a specific hair pattern, so I’m afraid I can’t give you an answer. Sorry about that.

  8. 8 Peter Lynn

    I’m pretty sure Travis is right about the balls. Quite a few people have remarked while stopping by my desk that you can see his McNuggets under that towel.It’s weird to see him with all that hair in that old photo, but it’s gone for good. You can get a good look at his hairline circa 1997/98 on his Wikipedia page. He shaves what’s left. The natural follow-up to these two questions is what’s going on in terms of his manscaping regimen down below, especially considering that this hairless Moose has pulled more trim than the average porn actor.

  9. 9 Dickolas Wang

    All this discussion made me look long at hard at the picture again… for about 10 seconds, after which I realized I just spent 10 seconds staring at Messier’s ballsack. (Or maybe just his t’ain’t.)

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