Because I’m the copy editor as well as the only one in the office who reads everyone’s work, occasionally I’m asked—inevitably in a conspiratorial tone after the speaker looks both ways to ensure a clear coast—”Who’s the worst writer here?”

You all are, I think.

“It’s a tie,” I say.

The usual follow-up question is “Who’s the best writer here?”

I am, I think.

“You are,” I say.

I won’t claim to be the best writer here. Not that that’s bragging. It’s kind of like being the best actor on Degrassi Junior High (although, to be fair, there are actually some decent writers in the office). I’m just inclined to hide my light under a bushel, because once people cotton on to the fact that you’re good at something, your workload tends to mysteriously increase. Now and then over the years, a manager would get the idea that my knowing something about editing might mean I knew something about writing, would give me the opportunity to write an ad, and then wouldn’t be able to understand why this filled my eyes with horror.

They say the Chinese have the same word for “opportunity” as they do for “crisis”.* That surely isn’t just because a crisis is also an opportunity. It’s also because an opportunity can be a crisis. There used to be two copy editors here back when there was half as much work. That means I already do four times as much as I used to. Not that I’m going to let anyone know I can do basic math. They’ll probably send me down to accounting to help out for a while.

This morning, a co-worker caught me in the middle of writing the post previous to this one. No big deal, though; I was at work early and my shift hadn’t actually started yet, so it’s not like I was wasting company time. However, he was curious to read it.

But my blog is about how I’m the worst employee in the world and you’re all not so hot either, I thought.

“All right, here’s the URL, but don’t tell anybody,” I said.

Later, my handsome, intelligent, godlike co-worker who now reads this blog returned. And he’d liked what he’d read. Thought it was great. Thought I’d be the perfect guy to write for a new corporate blog that we’re doing—just doing what I’m already doing in terms of just poring over the excruciating minutae of the day to day, only to flesh out the anthropomorphized persona of a new product we happen to be selling.

I now have a crisitunity on my hands.

I suppose I’ll do it. Why not? Although I should mention this: If some corporate blog out there should happen to pore over some of the same minutae I’ve already been poring over on this one, don’t get too alarmed. That just might be me getting lazy and recycling material. After all, who’s the worst employee here?

Me. I am.

*Erroneously, but they’re close enough.

3 Responses to “Crisitunity!”

  1. 1 Dickolas Wang

    Corporate blog? I’d read it.

  2. 2 Peter Lynn

    Ah, but here’s the rub: I usually take pains to avoid mentioning the name of my company, so could I even disclose the URL to any of you? Probably, since someone actually guessed the name of the product under discussion in a recent post.

  3. 3 Nick Iannitti

    As a fellow supporter of keeping blogs and business separate, I sympathize with your plight: being the self-proclaimed best writer in one’s surroundings, but remaining anonymous to one’s coworkers and business contacts.We must suffer in silence.

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