I am the Smartass!


I already said I’m not a big fan of all those online tests that infest blogs everywhere, but I jumped at the chance to take the Personality Defect Test (found via Joey “Braggart” deVilla). Ever since I broke up with my last girlfriend in university, I’ve missed having someone around to point out my personality defects. There’s always my annual performance review and my trips home for the holidays, but they don’t come often enough. Here’s the result, which should surprise no one.

You are 71% Rational, 85% Extroverted, 85% Brutal, and 71% Arrogant.
You are the Smartass! You are rational, extroverted, brutal, and
arrogant. In fact, you could very well be the anti-Christ, as you are
almost the exact opposite of everything Jesus was supposed to be. While
Jesus says love your enemy, you say love beating the crap out of your
enemy. While Jesus raises the dead, you raise hell. While Jesus walks
on water, you tend to sink. You probably consider people who are
emotional and gentle to be big pussies who are obviously in lesser
stature than you. You have many flaws, despite your seeming
intelligence and cool-headedness. For instance, you aren’t very nice.
In fact, you’re probably an asshole. And you are conceited and
self-centered. Not only that, but you are very loud and vocal about all
this, seeing as how you are extroverted. There is no better way to
describe you than as a “smartass”, I’m afraid. Perhaps just “ass” would
do, too. But that’s a little less literary and descriptive. At any
rate, your main personality defect is the fact that you are
self-centered, mean, uncaring, and brutally logical.To put it less negatively:

1. You are more RATIONAL than intuitive.

2. You are more EXTROVERTED than introverted.

3. You are more BRUTAL than gentle.

4. You are more ARROGANT than humble.


Your exact opposite is the Emo Kid.

Other personalities you would probably get along with are the Capitalist Pig, the Braggart, and the Sociopath.



If you scored near fifty percent for a certain trait (42%-58%), you
could very well go either way. For example, someone with 42%
Extroversion is slightly leaning towards being an introvert, but is
close enough to being an extrovert to be classified that way as well.
Below is a list of the other personality types so that you can
determine which other possible categories you may fill if you scored
near fifty percent for certain traits.

The other personality types:

The Emo Kid: Intuitive, Introverted, Gentle, Humble.

The Starving Artist: Intuitive, Introverted, Gentle, Arrogant.

The Bitch-Slap: Intuitive, Introverted, Brutal, Humble.

The Brute: Intuitive, Introverted, Brutal, Arrogant.

The Hippie: Intuitive, Extroverted, Gentle, Humble.

The Televangelist: Intuitive, Extroverted, Gentle, Arrogant.

The Schoolyard Bully: Intuitive, Extroverted, Brutal, Humble.

The Class Clown: Intuitive, Extroverted, Brutal, Arrogant.

The Robot: Rational, Introverted, Gentle, Humble.

The Haughty Intellectual: Rational, Introverted, Gentle, Arrogant.

The Spiteful Loner: Rational, Introverted, Brutal, Humble.

The Sociopath: Rational, Introverted, Brutal, Arrogant.

The Hand-Raiser: Rational, Extroverted, Gentle, Humble.

The Braggart: Rational, Extroverted, Gentle, Arrogant.

The Capitalist Pig: Rational, Extroverted, Brutal, Humble.

The Smartass: Rational, Extroverted, Brutal, Arrogant.

Be sure to take my Sublime Philosophical Crap Test if you are interested in taking a slightly more intellectual test that has just as many insane ramblings as this one does!


My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

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You scored higher than 51% on Rationality
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You scored higher than 87% on Extroversion
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You scored higher than 92% on Brutality
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You scored higher than 82% on Arrogance


Link: The Personality Defect Test written by saint_gasoline on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

Let the record show that I was only one cup of coffee removed from being a Sociopath. I was considerably less extroverted when I first got into the office. I’m not surprised I wouldn’t get along with an Emo Kid, though. Ever since the latest issue of Blender came in, I keep getting the urge to punch that main guy from Fall Out Boy. It might be the eyeliner. But it might also be because he reminds me of this guy.

Anyway, the whole reason I’m posting this is to call your attention to the ad on the second page of the test, which is more intriguing than the test itself. Here it is:

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

What the hell is that?

Update: Kitty was just complaining that the British Library’s website wasn’t intuitive or user-friendly. If the British Library’s website took this test, it would have low Intuition and low Extroversion. Its potential results would include the Robot, the Haughty Intellectual, the Spiteful Loner, and the Sociopath. Kitty says this sounds about right.

7 Responses to “I am the Smartass!”

  1. 1 TinaPoPo

    Wow. Those were the most detailed on-line test results I’ve ever seen. I hope that lady gets her vagina cleaned out. Yikes.

  2. 2 Anonymous

    That is officially the most disturbing ad I’ve seen ever. – Gloria

  3. 3 Matt

    Damn it, Pete! I can’t remind you of Chris Parnell and emo! That doesn’t make any sense! Chris Parnell’s a rapper!

  4. 4 Peter Lynn

    You can remind me of two people, side satchel, just as Mark Magee reminds me of two people: Charles Barkley and Bernie Mac. At least yours are the same colour as you. Actually, scratch that. You remind me of Dave Chappelle too.(Word notification: GRUUR!)

  5. 5 Dickolas Wang

    Hooray for the internet and my friend Steve: apparently it’s not uncommon.

  6. 6 James

    As an earlier poster showed through that wikipedia link, the centipede thing is an Erik Wolpaw/Seanbaby joke. Actually, as with pretty much 95% of anything funny on the internet from 1999-2001, chances are if it was hilarious and often copied by lesser talents, it started with Old Man Murray or Seanbaby. The article I first became acquainted with the centipede thing was here:http://seanbaby.com/cleveland/part3.html

  1. 1 Bedazzled « Man vs. Clown!

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