Let your backbone slide

09Jun06

Since I was already playa hating on early ’90s Canadian hiphop celebrities such as Master T, here’s something I heard about Maestro Fresh Wes. I guess he just calls himself Maestro now, but I call bullshit. He’s still Maestro Fresh Wes as far as I’m concerned. It’s like Li’l Bow Wow trying to drop the “Li’l” and just go by “Bow Wow”. No dice, kid. You pick a silly name, you’re stuck with it. You can thank Sean “Puffy/Puff Daddy/P. Diddy/Diddy” Combs for ruining it for everyone.

Anyway, Maestro Fresh Wes has been working out – or not working out – at Venice Fitness around Warden and Eglinton in Scarborough for years. A couple of different guys tell me he mostly hangs out checking himself out in the mirror and barely ever works out. He basically saunters around in his expensive gear soaking up whatever attention he can still get from whoever else in the ‘hood still remembers who he used to be, just “wandering around with his dick in his hand, feeling good about himself,” as my buddy Chris says.

Back around 2000, Chris says he was doing some ab crunches on a bench in front of the mirror, and Maestro Fresh Wes wandered over to check himself out. Then he started checking Chris out, apparently wondering what was up with this wack white kid doing the crunches. He, Maestro Fresh Wes, was colossal. Who was this mosquito?

Maestro Fresh Wes decided it was time for a throwdown, a showdown. Hell no, he couldn’t slow down. It was gonna go down. He let his backbone slide down on a bench beside Chris for an impromptu ab battle. He matched him crunch for crunch, glaring over at him determinedly. Chris just thought it was funny and kept going. This went on for a really long time, this thirtysomething rap star trying to drop the needle on this twenty-year-old kid. How long it went on or how many crunches were crunched, no one can say, because no one was keeping track. Not a word was exchanged, but they both knew what was going on. Each of them was simply going until he buried the other guy. Chris didn’t care if he was sick to his stomach for days afterward, so long as he got to shut down this sucka MC, Maestro Fresh Wes.

Finally, Maestro Fresh Wes quit. As Chris did a few more crunches to prove his point, Maestro Fresh Wes got up and slunk away in defeat. One can only imagine he had to finally give in because all that crunching injured his sacroiliac, like a rap-sack backpack. Contrary to what he’d have you believe, in the end, he did in fact give a damn that his backbone quivered.



One Response to “Let your backbone slide”


  1. 1 The Crabbuckit came back « Man vs. Clown!

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