Inches from an inappropriate workplace relationship


I’ve got to get back into the habit of going around corners leading with a stiff arm thrust forward and a palm held up, like an old-time leather-helmeted football player carrying the ball. Usually the worst that can happen is that I’ll pie-face someone coming around the corner. But it’s better than the alternative.

I came out of the washroom today and rounded the corner into the hall only to nearly collide head-on with my boss, who was coming around the same corner to head into the same washroom. We stopped short, each of us swaying forward slightly with the momentum and coming within scant inches of leaning in and lightly kissing each other smack on the lips.

My married, male boss and I stared at each other for a split-second of shock and horror. I suddenly pictured myself sitting in the prisoner’s box at my future manslaughter trial while my lawyer entered a plea of not guilty by reason of temporary insanity as part of a “homosexual panic” defense, following my sudden blacking out and then regaining consciousness standing over my boss’ crumpled corpse.

“I’m glad I at least just brushed my teeth,” I said, finally making a lame attempt to break the silence. He chuckled uncomfortably.

3 Responses to “Inches from an inappropriate workplace relationship”

  1. Is this boss the same guy who, entering a bathroom with his pants already partically undone, said “I nearly fucked you in the ass!” to someone standing at the nearest urinal?

  2. This guy? Oh, no. That was my boss back in high school, the drunk. My current boss is actually a paragon of professionalism. No joke.

  3. 3 Gloria

    I love your “my brush with gay” posts the most.

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