A public service message from Wayne Gretzky

02Aug06

It being too hot to properly blog, here’s something I ran across while combing through old files: a description of a dream I had a few years ago. I cannot explain it except to say that Scott and I knew a hormonally overdeveloped guy in high school who was said to have actually done something similar:

The television says, “And now, a public service message from hockey legend Wayne Gretzky.” The Great One himself appears on the TV, standing on the deck of his yacht, which is sailing in tropical waters.

“AIDS is a huge threat today,” says Wayne, brow furrowed in concern. “And other forms of sexual disease are on the rise. In addition, teen pregnancy is a serious problem.”

“So,” Wayne continues, “when you feel the need to engage in sexual activity, I suggest you do as I do.”

With that, Wayne leaps over the railing of his yacht and dives into the water. He swims around until he sees a giant cod swimming around. It looks surprised, making that gap-mouthed fish face as Wayne grabs it and wrestles it into position.

Wayne thrusts his erect penis into the fish’s mouth and pumps away furiously, grinning and laughing, and giving a big thumbs-up to the camera.

“This public service message was paid for by Wayne Gretzky,” says the TV.



5 Responses to “A public service message from Wayne Gretzky”

  1. 1 Matt

    That’s not funny, man. Wayne Gretzky’s a hero.

  2. 2 tom

    This is far more traumatizing now that Wayne Gretzky looks like an ugly soccer mom.

  3. This just made me laugh waaaay more than it should have.

  4. 4 Kent

    Why do you think the cod stocks have fallen, we chocked them all to death in just that manner!

  5. 5 Anonymous

    Wayne’s looking like K.D. Lang:

    via Torontoist:
    http://www.torontoist.com/archives/2006/07/what_has_happen.php


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