More phone messages I get


Well, Janet sure has changed her tune since originally offering feedback on my outgoing answering machine message. Read this earlier entry and compare it to the following message that she left last night:

“Peter, that seriously sucks. I want — I’ll tell you what I want. I want heavy breathing, okay? I want it to sound like you’re really fiddling with yourself or something. I mean, heavy breathing, some panting, maybe dog barking … um, yeah. Something along those lines. [laughter] Sorry. Like when you phone, and it’s a real pervert? You know, a real pervert lives there. Okay? So, do better, give me a call back after you record your message, and let me phone you and let me prove it. All right? I’ll talk to you later. Yeah, I’ve been into the bourbon. Okay? Bye.”

3 Responses to “More phone messages I get”

  1. 1 Janet

    How do I defend myself here? First off, Peter YOU ARE LYING. I would never use the term ‘fiddling’, that is a Michelle term- something she learned from Coronation Street. True, I may have had a glass of bourbon and called you. I also may have been struck by how clean and tidy your answering machine message was and perhaps complained that it wasn’t the usual Peter, but I would never make a request for you to sound like a pervert.
    I already know that you are one.
    The very fact that you phoned me from your mother’s house (your vacation destination last week) and told me that you were about to ‘burst’ and the first thing that you were going to do when you got back to Toronto was ‘relieve’ yourself. That and the fact that you always want to know what I’m wearing when you call tells me that you are a filthy pervert. Oh, and most of all, you are the only man I know who feels no shame in pulling out a ‘Hello Kitty’ vibrator at a restaurant.
    You disgust me.

  2. Let the record reflect the following:

    1. A simple perusal of phone records will show that the conversation alleged to have taken place last week did not actually occur. Further, as several amazed male co-workers can verify, I have perfected a hands-free urinal style because it is sinful to touch oneself Down There.

    2. Occasionally a woman will natter on about recently purchased articles of clothing while the man at the other end of the line gets antsy because the season premiere of Prison Break is starting in a few moments. Then she will attempt to get him to stay on the line longer by providing fanciful descriptions of her current state of attire — or undress, as the case may be.

    3. This is actually true.

    4. A certain someone has, subsequent to leaving this message, asked me to record two further outgoing messages specifically meant to capture an increasing level of creepiness, which I have obligingly done.

  3. 3 Janet

    Alright. Fine. Perhaps I did allude to a certain state of undress, but I was excited because I had just purchased a pair of what I like to call ‘Marilyns’. A sexy stiletto with an open toe. I got them on sale and wanted to share the good news. You Peter, on the other hand, for once in your life, seemed, well, disinterested in me and preferred to watch a show about a bunch of sweaty men running away from the police.
    I do admit that lead guy is pretty cute.

    Next thing I know you are going to start up with your Dungeons and Dragons gang.

    You are lying about me requesting you to leave further perverted greetings on your answering machine.
    What a flipping falsehood.

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