Things I shouldn’t have said #13

  • “The way the press is still going on about it, I’m starting to wish no one had killed JonBenet Ramsey at all.”
  • “I’m so sore I’m just going to go home and sit huddled in the corner of the shower with the hot water spraying down on me like a rape victim.”
  • “Yeah, I flossed my taint with our nation’s flag. I got it right up in there like a sumo wrestler’s diaper. But it was my way of showing how much I love this country and its freedom of expression that allows me to do such a thing.”

Bonus thing I’m pleased to have said

  • “You cooking eggs again? It smells more hard-boiled in here than a Dashiell Hammett novel.”

2 Responses to “Things I shouldn’t have said #13”

  1. I admit, I’ve been ambivalent towards the last few of these, but this one made me laugh. Reminds me of something I said to my mom before she cracked me in the back of the head: “Damn, this store is hot. I’m sweating like a rapist in here.”

  2. “Hey guys, check out that looooser in the wheelchair.”

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