Inappropriate comments of mass destruction


It’s Hallowe’en tonight, so I’ll be celebrating in the traditional way: by turning out all the lights and pretending not to be home when trick-or-treaters come-a-calling. But around this time three or four years ago, I was on my way to a Hallowe’en party. I wanted to go as something scary, yet imaginary, like a vampire or a werewolf, so I decided to be the missing weapons of mass destruction that were the talk of the town back then. (How deliciously satirical!) My costume basically consisted of black pants, a black knit cap, and a black shirt that said WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION on it. I planned on sneaking around from place to place, crouching behind chairs, and hiding from any Americans who might be looking for me. You know, good times. But before leaving, I thought I’d run into the kitchen to grab a sandwich, whereupon I encountered my housemate, Brain-Damaged Toula.

Toula: You’re all in black!

Me: Yep.

Toula (laughing like Muttley the cartoon dog): Are you sure you don’t want to be a black man? Haw haw haw!

Me: That’s … not my costume.

Toula: You would have really scared me then!

3 Responses to “Inappropriate comments of mass destruction”

  1. 1 Anonymous

    More likely: “You would of really scared me then!”

  2. I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt and assume she said “have”. She may be brain-damaged, but she’s not retarded.

  3. 3 Albert Negondorf

    i think it would be neat to throw an octopus at someones face, because while they were flailing around being suffocated by suction cups, you could steal their pants.

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