Things I shouldn’t have said #17

  • “If you kill a retarded guy while driving drunk, it isn’t vehicular manslaughter. It’s only man-child slaughter.”
  • “There’s a horn in this Ripley’s Believe it or Not book that’s so big it takes six boys to blow. That sounds like something I’ve got right here, if you know what I’m saying.” [Note: The remainder of the day saw several incidents of my nodding significantly at my own crotch and telling my nephew to “go round up five friends.”]
  • “You know what would make this World Trade Center more upbeat? If you edited out all these flashbacks to Nicholas Cage’s home life and replaced them with the really depressing scenes from Leaving Las Vegas. That way, being pinned under all this rubble might actually seem like an improvement in his situation.”

Bonus thing that wasn’t really that bad, but wasn’t worth its own post either, so it just gets lumped in here

  • “Hey, I just figured out why they picked now to execute Saddam. You know how famous people always seem to die in threes right at the end of the year? Well, after James Brown and Gerald Ford, they probably figured they should just go ahead and off Saddam quickly before somebody like Kirk Douglas kicked off.”

4 Responses to “Things I shouldn’t have said #17”

  1. hahahaha, yeah, i think thats the reason

  2. 2 Marlene

    I find it disturbing that your were including your nephew among the six boys.

  3. It couldn’t have been too disturbing: His dad just sat there and laughed.

  4. 4 Sarah

    Shouldn’t that make it more disturbing? For everyone?

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