It costs $3 to shut me up


As is standard practice, after my fencing practice tonight, I went out with a group of club members to a local bar. I ordered a weissbier (German: “white beer”) and thought, My beverage will surely be the creamiest in appearance of any at this table. Then the guy next to me ordered a milk. I am in for a night of disappointments, I thought. (What I said, however, was “I thought I told you to never come in here, McFly!”)

It turned out I may have been wrong. In a post last summer, I mentioned the guy who trolls around local bars and restaurants trying to sell roses to patrons, and I decided that from then on, what I’d do would be to act like whatever girl happened to be around should be buying me the roses and get really put out when she doesn’t. Well, since then, I’ve been doing just that. Every time the rose guy comes along during a fencing club outing, I make a point of being appalled when none of the ladies buy me one.

Well, tonight, one cracked. She motioned the guy over. “How much are they?” she asked, checking her change purse. Four dollars. “Oh, okay. Thanks anyway,” she said, and turned away. But the guy, smelling a sale, just stood behind her for the next minute. She turned around again. “I really just wanted to know how much they were.”

“For you, three dollars.”

“Oh, okay,” she said. “Sure, I’ll take one.” She ponied up the dough, and he gave her a yellow rose.

She made a show of playing eenie, meanie, miney, moe around the table to determine the recipient, eventually fudging the syllable count to select me, and when I got it, I acted like I’d been awarded an Oscar, practically crying tears of joy. But inside, I was a little disappointed (so maybe I wasn’t wrong about it being a night of disappointment after all). First, according to the language of flowers, a yellow rose only means platonic love or dying love, so it could certainly be better. And second, I won’t be able to pull the old “Why don’t any of you girls ever buy me a rose?” routine now that one of them actually has. She’s effectively bought my silence. And worse yet, she got a discount.

3 Responses to “It costs $3 to shut me up”

  1. 1 Riley

    Well, I guess you can go back to the original suggestion of, “Nah, this one’s not worth it.” You’ll have to actually wait for the flower dude to actively try to sell you a rose, but it’ll be that much sweeter when the opportunity finally does present itself, and even more so if you can throw in an “And especially not this one” for the one who ruined your indignation schtick.

  2. i never understood why establishments allow those people in to peddle their plastic wares. i had one approach me tonight askin if i wanted to buy my friend’s sister a rose… they have no tact.

  3. Riley: That would be pretty sweet. I can just see the look on her face when, despite her having bought me a rose, I insist that she’s not worth one. Besides, I want a non-discount rose. And the one I did get withered and died almost instantly, thanks to it being toted around all night by the salesman in subzero weather before I got it.

    Ryan: For lack of tact, see my previous post in which the rose guy forced me and a male friend to take a long, uncomfortable look at how our relationship is apparently perceived by others.

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