Re: my pants


A few years ago, Jay Pinkerton started a Yahoo newsgroup called bad_craziness, mainly used to keep in touch with former Golden Words staffers. Though it’s mostly defunct now, I still troll through the archives now and then, and now and then, when I run across something funny and especially when I’m feeling lazy, I like to post it here.

The following is a thread of conversation involving Jay, me, and Eric Martin (not the former lead singer of Mr. Big) about Eric’s GW initiation, aka his cresting. Cresting parties were usually raucous affairs inhabiting the hazy terrain between an Animal House-style toga party and the hazings the Canadian Airborne Regiment used to have before it got shut down. The detail about the ice storm is true, by the way, and remains unexplained to this day.

> > There’s something I’ve been wondering about for a
> > while now, and I was
> > hoping you guys might be able to help. Waaaay back
> > in 1999, during my
> > cresting, I went to sleep (I use this term loosley,
> > but you were there, you
> > know it was passing out after several hours of
> > vomitting in Jon’s yard)
> > wearing pants and underwear. When I woke up, there
> > was only pants. Do any
> > of you know what might have happened? I feel pretty
> > dirty pondering the
> > options.
> If this happened at Jon’s house at the same time it
> was my house then, yeah, I may have taken some
> underpants off some drunk guy. During the big ice
> storm of ’98, I had to go stay at my girlfriend’s
> house in a room right next to her sister’s, and my own
> underpants mysteriously disappeared while I was
> sleeping. So, I might have needed to get a replacement
> pair sometime, somehow.

I sincerely hope this is an attempt at sarcasm, though it’s so chockful of lurid details, I’m not entirely sure. I’m going to assume Pete’s joking here. If it’s not a joke, though — ye gods. Even putting aside the allegation that your girlfriend’s sister stole your underpants (do I want to know? Most likely no.), the idea of then taking a replacement pair from a sleeping undressed man is the creepiest thing I’ve ever heard of.

Still and the same — SOMEONE took Eric’s underpants. As a mystery, I vote to leave this one unsolved. Only because if it ever came out what actually happened, I’d never be able to look that person in the face again without getting the unfortunate image of them wrestling the undies off a comatose first year student. Then I’d have to punch them, I’d imagine.

Incidentally, shortly after this e-mail exchange, I had the following conversation with my mom:

Me: Hey Mom, if some guy got drunk and passed out on my lawn, and lost his underwear, and I told everyone I took it to replace my own lost underwear, they should know I’m just joking, right?

My Mom: No.

Me: What?

My Mom: Why would they think you were joking? You could have done that.

Me: Dammit, Mom! Not only do you have to buy me some new underwear once in a while, but you have to hire me an image consultant!

3 Responses to “Re: my pants”

  1. Why do these stories always end up having some bizarre homoerotic edge to them, Peter? And why do I find the idea of taking a drunk’s underpants but leaving his, um, overpants so hilarious?

    Now what really would’ve been masterful is if the person who did it had then put women’s underwear, stockings, and a garter belt on him, and THEN put his pants back on.

    Maybe I’m reading in a homoerotic edge…

    Forget this comment ever happened.

  1. 1 … and that’s why I kicked the leg out of your leg « Man vs. Clown!
  2. 2 … and that’s why I kicked the leg out of your leg « Man vs. Clown!

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