What’s the story, morning glory?


“Hey, you know what song I’ve got stuck in my head?” my little sister asked me earlier. “‘I’m going Japanese / I’m going Japanese / I really think so.”

“It’s ‘Turning Japanese,'” I said. “And you know what it’s about, right?”

“No, what?”

“Something you do by yourself that makes you squinty. The same thing as The Divinyls’ ‘I Touch Myself.'”

“Oh. I thought it was about a guy who went to Japan and just really got into the whole culture there.”

I’d like to make fun of her for missing the point, but I can’t. Just earlier today, I confessed for the very first time that when I was younger, I listened to ZZ Top’s Afterburner on my Walkman every day when walking to school and, despite being just old enough to be familiar with nocturnal penile tumescence, never contemplated anything more than a literal interpretation of the song “Woke Up with Wood”. That is, I thought the singer awoke to find an actual log in his bed. I always thought that was a weird topic for a song.

9 Responses to “What’s the story, morning glory?”

  1. 1 Steve Ely

    Kind of a weird topic for a song anyway.

  2. Well, now that I go back and read the lyrics, he wakes up with a boner and his woman takes care of it. So it’s about sex, which is pretty normal for rock and roll. Kids, don’t listen to that lewd devil music.

  3. 3 Nick

    I had a similar scenario when I was a kid, except even stupider, because i was, like, 14.

    Voodoo Lounge by the Stones came out, and on the “Love is Strong” track, there is the line “you make me hard, you make me weak”, and for some reason, I just WOULDN’T put it together that he was talking about his erection, even though I was well into the throes of pubescent explorations by that point. I would go around saying “Man, what’s he TALKING about?!”

    It was as if my subconscious desperately wanted to leave me one last vestige of my innocence, and it was damned if it was gonna let Mick Jagger be the one to take that away.

    Unfortunately, at about the same time in my life, Pamela Anderson was coming into her own on Baywatch, and I had a VCR.

  4. 4 MC

    The song that did that to me was Expose’s Point of No Return. I was about 20 when I thought about the song again and realized what the point of no return REALLY was.

  5. Oh my God! That’s what “Point of No Return” is about!

  6. 6 hilly

    I’m buying a jacket that says “Peter Lynn gave my adolescence an open-robe hug.”

  7. 7 Matt

    Nick: Your mental block perfect sense to me. Nobody wants to picture Mick Jagger with an erection in this day and age.

    I used to think that Sting was telling Roxanne that she didn’t have to say “Yo, Buddy!” to the night. When you’re three years old, after all, you don’t understand what prostitution is.

  8. I’m surprised you’d say that, Matt, considering what a whore your mother is.


    (Man, I feel bad about that one. But not taking that opening would have flown in the face of everything the Quipmaster stands for.)

  9. 9 MC

    I give that burn 3 stars.

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