Who moved my cheese?

11May07

I’m still at the library until I get my computer woes sorted out, so here’s just a quick note before the weekend starts.

I’m a fan of a good sandwich. I was a little let down at Easter when the family and I decided to make Reubens, only to realize that we didn’t have any 1000 Islands dressing. There’s no excuse for this. My family lives in the 1000 Islands, after all. Still, I’ve been blessed to have eaten a many good sandwiches in my life. Monte Cristos, BLTs, the Duane Keisz #2, you name it. But lately, I’ve been eating one particular sandwich like crazy. It’s Black Forest ham, Swiss cheese, tomato, pepper, and mayo on toast. I know that doesn’t sound very elaborate (“But thats just … a sandwich,” my friend Tyler protests). It’s not anything unusual, like, say, the ham, Swiss, and apple. But that doesn’t matter. It’s still all kinds of tasty.

Last night, I took a shower after some hard rollerblading and made myself a couple of these sandwiches while watching the Ottawa/Buffalo game. Afterwards, thinking about Tyler’s suggestion to maybe try adding a little avocado, I absentmindedly picked up a little bit of Swiss cheese that had dropped off my sandwich onto my chair and popped it in my mouth.

Except, it turned out it wasn’t Swiss cheese at all. It was a little piece of Ivory soap that had stuck to my wet hide after my shower before dropping off onto the chair.

I haven’t had soap in my mouth since I was little and got my mouth washed out for calling my big sister a slut. This was even before I knew what the word meant, just that my dad used to call my mom that all the time. (Actually, I don’t recall this happening. I’m just trying to conjecture how I might have heard the word. Apologies to my mom and dad.) Having soap in your mouth doesn’t suck quite as much as I remembered it, but it still sucks pretty bad. I had to have a banana immediately to wash out the taste. Still, I thought my friend Janet would at least find this funny, so I called her up to tell her about it, but she wasn’t home. Her fiancĂ© answered the phone, so I just left a message.

So, the point is that I guess this sums up the kind of person I am. Not only do am I the sort to eat dropped food, but I’m also the sort to accidentally eat soap. Then, rather than have the decency to keep it to myself, I telephone people to tell them about it. That was the first time I’ve ever actually talked to Janet’s fiancĂ©, by the way. My introduction was to leave the message, “Oh, then could you just tell her that Peter called and that he ate some soap?” In summary, I’m an idiot.



3 Responses to “Who moved my cheese?”

  1. 1 Scott

    I hear the best way to get over mistakenly eating soap is to squeeze a packet of vinegar into your eyes (which will also help clean out any bird shit that’s still in there).

  2. 2 Gloria

    Soap? Time to graduate onto shower gel. It lathers up so sexily.

  3. 3 John E Thelin

    Yes, but you are a magnificent idiot.


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