The Girl Is Mine


I have a theory that child actor-turned-math genius Danica McKellar and child actor-turned-celebrity blogger Wil Wheaton should hook up and become the ultimate famous geek couple. (Admit it: They’d be cute together.) I was explaining this theory a couple of days ago when the conversation somehow turned to the utter implausibility of Michael Jackson and Paul McCartney fighting over the same love interest in their 1982 duet “The Girl Is Mine”.

No offense to whomever the actress was who played the titular girl in said song’s video, but it’s well-known that Michael Jackson and Paul McCartney have wildly diverging tastes. It’s widely reported that Michael likes small boys. And Paul likes feminine activist-types with one leg.

However, I thought of one possible object of their affection whom Michael and Paul might very likely have fought over in the early ’80s. Male, but with a lovely head of girlish curls and an androgynous Marc Bolan kind of thing going on. Young, and at a height barely cracking five feet, quite petite. Definitely the activist type. And yes, only one leg.

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By the way, why the hell doesn’t Terry Fox’s shirt depict the Arctic archipelago? It’s bad enough he never deigned to visit the north, but he appears to be denying the very existence of a significant part of it. No Baffin Island, no Victoria Island, no Ellesmere Island, no nothing. Sir Martin Frobisher didn’t explore the frozen north just so Terry Fox could decide it wasn’t there. No wonder he stopped at Thunder Bay. He probably decided there just wasn’t any more Canada west of that.

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