Lords of Karma


Though bachelor parties involve Vegas rules, I was going to break the code of silence to mention this one incident last night. However, I was simply in no condition. However, I did mention it to Candace, and now that she’s paid poetic tribute to it, here’s the backstory.

When we were out celebrating the Other Peter’s impending nuptials last night, there was a guy at the bar, one of those creepy all-by-himself-at-the-bar guys. It was really weird to see this guy by himself, though, because he looked exactly like director Kevin Smith. He had such a Silent Bob thing going on that it didn’t look right that there wasn’t a guy who looked like Jason Mewes standing beside him. He was kind of fat and not very tall, and he had a beard, glasses, backward baseball cap, and black coat.

As you can imagine, we had all kinds of fun with this, daring each other to go over and ask him when Clerks III was coming out or to tell him how much Jersey Girl sucked. Then he walked over to me.

“Hey, you look just like Joe Satriani!” Kevin Smith said, spitting in my face a bit with excitement.

“I love Joe Satriani!” I said. And I do! I used to be a big fan of the guitar virtuoso’s instrumental rock, albeit before he shaved his head. All things considered, being compared to latter-period Satch might be a dubious compliment, but I still thought it was ironic and amusing that the guy I thought looked like a celebrity in turn thought I looked like one, which I mentioned to Peter’s friend Steve.

“Yeah, I saw that,” Steve said. “Also, before he came over and talked to you, he was pointing at you guys and saying he was going to kill you. So he’s mentally unstable and you shouldn’t talk to him anymore.” So I scrupulously avoided Kevin Smith after that.

9 Responses to “Lords of Karma”

  1. 1 james

    what’s even funnier, is that, at least from the main pic of you on your facebook group, I’ve never actually met you, I think you kinda look like the character Jay from the Kevin Smith movies. not the cool Jay though, the older, slightly heavier, exponentially more depressing Jay from Clerks II. Seriously, did they really sing a Jackson 5 song in that movie?

  2. 2 Scott

    However, you started two sentences in a row with the word “however”.

  3. 3 PVK

    Maybe he heard your whole conversation and wasn’t mentally unstable?

  4. 4 Marlene

    You look like everyone.

  5. As a rule one should avoid speaking with Kevin Smith at all costs.

  6. 6 Steve

    funny stuff. how come your page doesn’t say, “who wants an open robe hug from uncle pete?” at the top since you’ve moved away from cracked?

  7. So, wait. It was Kevin Smith, then?

  8. 8 Peter Lynn

    Steve: I just haven’t figured out how to do that yet. Someday I’ll sit down and configure the shit out of the blog, though.

    Chance: I just don’t know, man. I just don’t know.

  1. 1 Aries is a fire sign after all « Man vs. Clown!

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