No Country for Grumpy Old Men

12Dec07

[01:49] jaypinkerton: No Country For Old Men looks good.
[01:49] jaypinkerton: I’ll probably check that out this weekend.
[01:49] Ruddy Ruddy: That’s got Matthau and Lemmon in it, right?
[01:49] Ruddy Ruddy: I’d go see No Country for Grumpy Old Men.
[01:50] jaypinkerton: That’s because you’re an idiot.
[01:50] jaypinkerton: Remember? How we talked about this before? That you’re an idiot?
[01:50] Ruddy Ruddy: Exactly. That’s why I can pick a hit. I know how the moviegoing public thinks.
[01:51] jaypinkerton: I disagree. Those poor Grumpy Old Men have no country! Why would anyone watch something so sad?
[01:52] Ruddy Ruddy: It would be a hilarious fish-out-of-water story, obviously.
[01:52] jaypinkerton: They have no country, so they have to live in the ocean. But they don’t know how fish act.
[01:52] jaypinkerton: Also, they’re secretly gay.
[01:53] Ruddy Ruddy: Even though several scenes in the first two Grumpy Old Men movies are set in a fishing boat, they don’t know how fish act.
[01:54] jaypinkerton: No, exactly. They were catching them, not talking to them.
[01:54] jaypinkerton: They know how they act in the “flopping around in the bottom of the boat” sense, but that’s it.
[01:54] Ruddy Ruddy: Also, they fished in a lake, not in the ocean, so they’re familiar with different species.
[01:54] jaypinkerton: Also, they’re secretly gay.
[01:55] jaypinkerton: Also, in a shocking twist, Walther Matthau was a merman all along.
[01:55] jaypinkerton: Steve Zahn and Ray Romano are the voices of the fish.
[01:56] Ruddy Ruddy: Where does this leave Sophia Loren and Ann-Margret?
[01:57] jaypinkerton: In hell. (We explain that!)
[01:58] Ruddy Ruddy: Will they still be in the movie, only, with their scenes set in hell? I say yes. They eventually dig a hole in the ceiling, and hell floods, and all the characters are reunited.
[01:59] Ruddy Ruddy: They set up their own country there. Matthau and Lemmon won’t run for office because they’re gay and therefore unelectable. Instead, they get behind James Garner’s candidacy and push him to beat Satan in a closely contested race. It’s a Grumpier Old Men sequel AND a My Fellow Americans sequel.
[02:00] Ruddy Ruddy: At the end, an upbeat Journey song plays and everybody dances as confetti rains from the ceiling.
[02:01] jaypinkerton: Let’s make this.
[02:01] Ruddy Ruddy: I think this is a hit.



2 Responses to “No Country for Grumpy Old Men”

  1. The only thing missing is Soapbox Preacher wailing “That’s terrible!”


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