Hero of the beach


My neighbours are probably wondering why they weren’t informed a sex offender had moved into their neighbourhood, on account of the skeevy moustache I’ve had the last couple of days. It’s just that I was looking at some old Civil War photographs and got to wondering what I might look like with George Armstrong Custer’s facial hair.

However, even gazing upon the battlefield dead of Antietam doesn’t bother me as much as this picture that I found here while browsing through vintage photographs of old-time bodybuilders (or “physical culturists”, as they were called at the time):


“Here’s a love-tap — from that ‘bag of bones,’ remember?”

Is Charles Atlas really forcing that other guy to suck him off? Forget being embarrassed in front of your girlfriend by bullies — this reveals a whole other motivation for building a buff physique that those old ads never dared mention overtly. Maybe the ads would have been truer to Atlas’s original vision if he’d come back to the beach, punched out the girl who scorned him, and then walked off arm-in-arm with the musclebound bully.

Update: Your favorite internet comedian Jay Pinkerton sends along a link to his version of these ads, which depicts the above almost exactly. How’d I forget about this one? Oh, and by the way, I’ve noticed more strange men smiling at me since I’ve had the moustache, so I’ll probably shave it sooner rather than later.

One Response to “Hero of the beach”

  1. 1 Every girl loves a retardostache « Man vs. Clown!

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