Biden my time until the VP debate


Boy howdy, this is shaping up to be a heck of a vice-presidential debate tonight. You may not have heard, but there are some people who don’t even think this Sarah Palin is up to the job!

Now, I’ve been too busy trying to figure out who that skinny guy is who’s always with Lindsay Lohan lately to listen to all of their objections. I’m just a little worried that her succession to the presidency after John McCain’s scheduled death in office would mean her appointing her old Weekend Update co-anchor Jimmy Fallon to fill the VP slot. That guy couldn’t read a bill into law without laughing at his own legislation.

But of all the other arguments you might make against Palin, I do know you shouldn’t criticize her for not being able to pass along her conservative, abstinence-only values to her pregnant, unwed teenage daughter. For one thing, today’s teenage mothers are just tomorrow’s MILFs. (Come to think of it, today’s teenage mothers are today’s MILFs.)

And for another thing, everybody knows kids are rebellious. Frankly, the warning sign for a politician should be healthy, well-adjusted children. It means that they’ve probably rebelled against the sick, perverted values the parent was trying to pass along. Just look at Barack Obama’s daughters, Malia Ann, 10, and Sasha, 7. They’re unwed, sure, but they’re not even a bit pregnant. Yet, it’s well-known their sicko dad favours teaching sex ed and passing out condoms to kindergarteners. Drop by the Obama house this Hallowe’en, and he’ll be at the door, stuffing handfuls of French ticklers into trick-or-treaters’ bags.

On the other hand, Palin recently made the amazing claim in an interview with Katie Couric that she reads “all” newspapers and magazines, and that would necessarily include Barely Legal. You can’t tell me she just reads it for the articles, either. That’s more implausible than, say, claiming to find a parody of herself on Saturday Night Live hilarious while watching with the sound turned all the way down.

4 Responses to “Biden my time until the VP debate”

  1. 1 jtl

    The Canadian debate is winning, hands-down, for me. I can’t take more than 30 seconds of either Palin or Biden at a time.

  2. She’s nice to look at, at least. And she’s charming. She’d be a lousy president, but a hell of a First Lady. I just can’t stand listening to her saying “nukular”.

    The funny thing is that she’s seemingly on the ticket to appeal to women, but if you watch the CNN coverage, the women like her much less than the men do. But the women love Biden, that silver fox.

  3. Joe Biden’s as smooth as he is wily. Did you notice how he kept refining the way he pronounced “nuclear”? Awesome.

  4. 4 Peter Lynn

    I noticed! I thought even the moderator was screwing it up. Boo to Gwen Ifill!

    The “maverick” talk wore thin too. “John McCain’s a maverick.” “I’m a maverick.” “We’re a team of mavericks.” Shouldn’t you have at least one cool-headed partner to balance out the hot-headed renegade who plays by his own rules? You can’t have a Riggs without a Murtaugh.

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