Not long ago, I was invited to a party. A prize was promised to the author of the wittiest reply to the Evite. I thought about this carefully, and then responded as follows:
I’ve thought about this carefully and decided to save my very best witticism for the actual party itself. That way, I can carefully recycle the same joke in a dozen or more one-on-one conversations. However, if I give it away here, I’ll have blown my best material in one shot, making my actual presence at the event not only redundant but also tedious for all concerned.
I received the prize. This was not necessarily because my reply was the wittiest, but because the organizers put the decision to a vote among the attendees, whereupon it became immediately apparent that no one had bothered to read anyone else’s responses, let alone prepared arguments as to which should win. I won simply because after they asked who had written the wittiest reply, I looked around, noted the perplexed apathy of the crowd, then raised my hand and replied that I had. I was immediately handed the prize by the relieved and equally apathetic organizers.
This prize, incidentally, was a hard plastic Nalgene water bottle of the type that has now been largely abandoned in favour of metal bottles because the plastic has been found to leach bisphenol A, which has been linked to breast and prostate cancer, obesity, hyperactivity, and reproductive failure. So, basically, my prize was future health problems.
While my response may not have been the wittiest, it was at least honest, and I’ve expressed a similar maxim in the past: that reading this website and actually knowing me is redundant and probably best avoided. While the former may well be preferable, the latter is, for some, sadly unavoidable. So, to spare those in my personal life unnecessary tedium, I present no new content today at all.
Instead, I’ll just mention another little award I was recently given, then send you elsewhere on the internet. This was the I Love Your Blog award (which, because it replicates virally, probably also causes health problems). I got this from SamuraiFrog of Electronic Cerebrectomy. He’s also tagged me with the Thinking Blogger award, and I was going to return the favor but couldn’t think of four other blogs that made me think as hard as his. I’m happy to link back to him now, though, not only because he linked to me in the first place but also because his would have been the first blog I’d have thought to give an I Love Your Blog award.
Next is someone who has learned that reading my site and personally experiencing my presence is unnecessary but doesn’t seem to mind occasionally doing both. She doesn’t even mind my pilfering our interactions for blog fodder. I try to return the favour, but Suzie of What She Said needs no one’s help to make Fastlife’s dating blog an interesting read.
Question Mark of Polivision also hails from right here in Toronto (when he’s not in London). I should really take advantage of his being a (semi-) local boy and hire him as a ghostwriter. I might as well, because almost any time I read his site, I get the uncanny feeling that he’s writing just for me. Of course, I can’t afford to hire a writing staff. Maybe I can go work for him?
My friend Neil continues to entertain with his boundless appreciation for life’s many small pleasures at 1000 Awesome Things. I do have to say that, considering his appreciation for blowing one’s nose in the shower (#989), picking one’s nose (#982), picking scabs (#903), and peeing in swimming pools (#888), Neil is considerably more disgusting than I had realized. But he makes up for it with sheer joie de vivre.
I don’t know how I’ve failed to mention Nedroid Picture Diary so far, but Nedroid used to be a beloved fellow regular at the defunct Jay Pinkerton forum. (I wish I could say “fellow beloved regular”, but that would vastly overestimate my own appeal, especially compared to his.) He produces just about the only web comics aside from Achewood and Basic Instructions worthy of anyone’s attention, and since he does it via a LiveJournal, that’s blog enough for me.
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