The decline and fall of telemarketing

02Dec08

Here are two calls I received that show that the once-illustrious art of telemarketing is on the wane:

Me: Hello?

Voice [after short pause]: May I speak to Mr. P. Lynn?

Me: Whom may I ask is speaking?

Voice: This is (mumble-mumble) Bank. We have determined that you are pre-qualified for a platinum card and we’d just like you to verify some information. Your last name is “Lynn”, correct?

Me: I’ll tell you what: why don’t you just tell me what information you want me to verify up front, rather than go through it piecemeal?

Voice: What?

Me: Tell me all the information you want.

Voice: Well, first name, last name, earnings, social insurance number, when you’re home and when you’re aw—

Me: Sorry, I’m not comfortable giving out all that information over the phone. Who did you say you were?

Voice: (mumble-mumble) Bank.

Me: Well, you could be just anybody. Why don’t you send me an application in the mail and I’ll have a look at it.

Voice [pausing sullenly]: Okay. We might send you an application in the mail.

Me: I look forward to it. Goodbye.

* * *

Me: Hello?

Voice [after short pause]: May I speak to Mr. P. Lynn?

Me: Whom may I ask is speaking?

Voice: This is the Sunday Sun. We have your name on our list and we’re prepared to offer you substantial savings on Sunday delivery—only $1.50 per week when you pay the carrier at the door.

Me: No thanks.

Voice: But it’s a great paper! It’s got the number one sports section in the country.

Me: Admittedly so, but I’m just not interested.

Voice: You don’t have to be interested! Just try it out! $1.50!

Me: I just don’t like the Sun.

Voice: You don’t have to like it! Just get it!

Me: What? I should get something I don’t even like? That’s ridic—[click]

Me: … Hello? Did you just hang up on me?! You did!



2 Responses to “The decline and fall of telemarketing”

  1. 1 hilly

    “You don’t have to like it! Just get it!”

    Man, now THAT’S a hard sell.

  2. Jay had a good one the other day, though we were calling them…

    Jay: “Yes, I’d like to downgrade my cable package.”
    Comcast: “Why would you want to do a thing like that?”
    Jay: “Well, there’s not enough movies that we actually want to watch on it.”
    Comcast: “Sir, I ASSURE you Comcast has over 70,000 movies to watch in every genre!”
    Jay (incredulous): “…I’m…I’m not going to argue this with you. It’s completely subjective as to whether those are movies my wife and I WANT TO WATCH.”

    I guess the dude switched his tone pretty quickly after that.


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