The Banter Report
Girlfriend: My kids don’t even know how a period works.
Me: Well, your students are in grade one. They don’t need to learn about menstruation until about grade five.
Girlfriend: Very funny. But when they miss a period, I get so confused.
Me: I think if a grade one missed a period, it would be a major scandal.
Girlfriend: Look, I’m just going to call it a full stop. When my kids miss a full stop, I get so confused.
Me: If you miss coming to a full stop, you’re going to get a ticket from the police.
Girlfriend: I hate you.
Several minutes of silence.
* * *
The lobby at work, waiting for an elevator
Coworker: What is with this music? Yesterday, I found myself dancing to Gloria Estefan and the Miami Sound Machine. [Shakes her body in an apparently involuntary and tormented conga]
Me: Yeah, you’ve got to be careful. The rhythm is gonna get you.
A polite smile and no apparent recognition of the single “Rhythm Is Gonna Get You”.
* * *
A company party
Coworker: See that girl over there? She’s really hot.
Me: Go for it.
Coworker: I should. I’m single now. Remember my fiancée, Kelly? You talked to her all night at Peter and Sam’s engagement party? Well, we broke up.
Me: Uh … because of me?
An awkward moment — but not as awkward as if I’d said, “So … Kelly’s single now, then?”
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