The Banter Report
Me: Well, I think it’s a given that I’m the tougher one in this relationship, except maybe at cribbage.
Girlfriend: And Connect Four.
Me: Until I practice online.
Girlfriend: No! Promise you won’t do that. I want you to just use your brain like I use my brain.
Me: Why would I want to use only 50% of my brainpower?
An argument about whether I really think I’m smarter than my girlfriend, after which she skunks me at cribbage.
* * *
The fencing club, on the piste.
Opponent: I don’t know. It’s just that sometimes I feel like I wasted my prime fencing years doing other things. Like drugs.
Me: Hey, I wasted my prime fucking years playing Dungeons and Dragons.
I proceed to win the bout, using elements of swordsmanship not at all mastered during my years playing Dungeons and Dragons.
* * *
At the pub, playing Trivial Pursuit.
Tipsy girlfriend: What movie cowpoke had a horse named Trigger?
Me: That man was Roy Rogers.
Tipsy girlfriend: Correct! “Cowpoke.” I love that word.
Me: I want to be a cowpoke. “Hi, I’m a cowpoke. I poke cows.”
Tipsy girlfriend: “With my penis!”
Uproarious laughter at her own joke, which is, admittedly, not undeserved.
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