The Banter Report


At home 

Me: Well, I think it’s a given that I’m the tougher one in this relationship, except maybe at cribbage.
Girlfriend: And Connect Four.
Me: Until I practice online.
Girlfriend: No! Promise you won’t do that. I want you to just use your brain like I use my brain.
Me: Why would I want to use only 50% of my brainpower? 

An argument about whether I really think I’m smarter than my girlfriend, after which she skunks me at cribbage.

* * *

The fencing club, on the piste. 

Opponent: I don’t know. It’s just that sometimes I feel like I wasted my prime fencing years doing other things. Like drugs.
Me: Hey, I wasted my prime fucking years playing Dungeons and Dragons. 

I proceed to win the bout, using elements of swordsmanship not at all mastered during my years playing Dungeons and Dragons. 

* * *

At the pub, playing Trivial Pursuit. 

Tipsy girlfriend: What movie cowpoke had a horse named Trigger?
Me: That man was Roy Rogers.
Tipsy girlfriend: Correct! “Cowpoke.” I love that word.
Me: I want to be a cowpoke. “Hi, I’m a cowpoke. I poke cows.”
Tipsy girlfriend: “With my penis!” 

Uproarious laughter at her own joke, which is, admittedly, not undeserved.

6 Responses to “The Banter Report”

  1. 1 Bob

    Don’t let her get away, Peter. She’s a keeper!

    And I mean that sincerely.

  2. 2 Scott

    That man was Will Rogers!

  3. 3 SMarlene

    I love Will Rogers jokes associated with Peter Lynn; I don’t even know who is/was!

  4. 4 rupertdogstein

    The banter report is my favorite man vs clown feature.

  5. Do you really think you are smarter than her? That cowpoke joke was pretty good.

  6. the solution is to play first in connect four. cribbage is another matter.

    like the banter.


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