A game of hot potato at the trade deadline
When I woke up this morning, I had three items on my to-do list:
- Write a complaint letter to Esquire about their fawning profile of their Best-Dressed Real Man contest winner: “Dear Esquire: I know times are tough in the magazine industry, but how much did Kenyatte Nelson pay you to run a six-page advertorial about how he’s better than all your other readers in every way?”
- Update Wikipedia’s article about streaking in sports. How did they leave out the guy who climbed over the glass at a Calgary Flames game wearing only a pair of red socks, only to slip on the ice and knock himself out?
- Do absolutely nothing else in favour of following the wheeling and dealing before the NHL’s trade deadline at 3:00 p.m. today.
Trade deadline day is often called “hockey Christmas”, though, with just over an hour of last-minute shopping left, the only things under the Maple Leafs’ tree are a couple of waiver-wire pickups: defenceman Eric Reitz and goaltender Martin Gerber.
The acquisition of the latter was followed by the announcement that incumbent goalie Vesa Toskala has been shut down for the year to undergo surgery, which means that general manager Brian Burke is going to have to wait a while to offload the underachieving Toskala to some gullible taker. That’s a shame. I was hoping to see Burke swap Toskala for what my girlfriend suggested last night would be fair trade value: a baked potato.
It’s a tough call, but, in the end, she decided that the addition of sour cream to the baked potato would be enough to put the deal over the top. You know Burke would have to consider this. He’s Irish, after all.
Of course, I’d hate to see Toskala end up like baseball minor-leaguer John C. Odom, who, six months after being traded for ten maple bats in an unorthodox deal, was dead of a drug overdose. So, while I’d really love to see Burke swap Toskala for a baked potato, I’d settle for his demanding the spud as a throw-in to a more conventional hockey trade.
Then what I want to see is this: At the press conference following the deal, Burke stands at a podium and ignores the reporters’ shouts. He just silently and purposefully eats the potato, taking his time. Then, after he finishes, he ceremoniously wipes his mouth with a napkin, barks, “No more questions!” and stalks off the stage.
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