Something about free lollipops


Saturday evening, I joined my girlfriend and her parents for dinner at the Keg Mansion after they spent an afternoon at the theatre. As I got to the entrance, I paused to hold the door to allow a woman and her children to enter in front of me. I approached the podium, planning to just quickly check with the hosts to see where my party was seated, but they wouldn’t even look at me since I wasn’t in line. Fair enough, so I rejoined the line, explaining to the woman that I was just trying to see where my party was already seated, not to reserve a table, and asking if I could just scoot in front of her.

She just stared at me coldly. “Why?”

Then her husband said I was just trying to join my party, and she grudgingly assented. The woman in front of her commented that I didn’t even really need to be in line then, and I agreed that I shouldn’t have to be, but there I was. 

What I didn’t say to the first woman, mostly because her children were with her, was this: I held the door for you and let you go in front of me. So don’t give me an attitude like I’m trying to cut the line. You are one rude bitch.

I just wanted to get that off my chest. 

* * *

Anyway, what I meant to mention was the subway ride I took immediately before that. As I was sitting there, the conductor came on the loudspeaker with an announcement: Attention passengers, for those of you headed down to the game, there will be free crying towels available afterward at Union Station.

What was that? I looked around at the other passengers, a couple of whom were wearing Maple Leafs jerseys, apparently en route to the home game that evening. No reaction, though. Maybe I’d misheard. I sat back and relaxed.

Another announcement came through the loudspeaker: When you get down to the Air Canada Centre, please inquire at the customer service desk about getting a tee time, because the Leafs won’t be making the playoffs again this spring.

I looked around again, seeing only passengers too plugged in to their headphones or engrossed in day-old copies of Metro to raise an eyebrow.

A moment later, another announcement: For passengers traveling south on the Yonge-University-Spadina line, that’s the same direction the Leafs go every season — down to the bottom of the standings. 

Those speakers might be frequently inaudible or incoherent when relaying important information about transit delays or diversions, but they were in complete working order for this TTC employee to take advantage of his position to bust out his A-material on the Leafs, though most of his last message was drowned out by the squealing of the brakes as the train arrived at Yonge-Bloor station. When I got home, I caught the last two periods of the game, which turned out to be a wild 8‒6 win over the Calgary Flames that looked more like an all-star game than a regular-season matchup. But I was too distracted to pay much attention, busy trying to figure out what the hell the last thing was that the conductor had been saying  — something about free lollipops.

3 Responses to “Something about free lollipops”

  1. 1 Rachel (from Vancouver)

    I’ve been meaning to send some thanks over to TO for that sound thrashing of the Flames.

    Frodo’s over his slump! And Sundin has been scoring! He’s still not worth $5 million but at least he’s not HURTING the Canucks anymore.

    Hey, who would you cheer for in a theoretical Flames/Canucks match-up?

  2. I think it would have to be the Flames, actually, but mostly because I like Jarome Iginla so much. Even if he does have the annoying habit of leaving the Art Ross trophy in the coat closet.

  3. 3 Stocc


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