The Banter Report
At home, listening to Christmas music, as The Killers’ “Great Big Sled” comes on.
Me: You know what would be terrible? Christian prog jingle bell rock.
My girlfriend: Hey, speaking of Christian rock, did you know that Brandon Flowers is a—
My girlfriend: Yes.
Me: No. Is he?
“You make me so mad!”
* * *
At home, while my girlfriend reads the Internet.
My girlfriend: You know that baby at the airport who fell 15 meters and died? Well, the family was on its way to Argentina to have it baptized?
Me: So … trip cancelled?
My girlfriend: Now it’s going to be in purgatory forever.
Me: Which is pretty much the same as being in the airport, really.
My girlfriend, both a Catholic and a seasoned air traveller, considers this, then shrugs in agreement. Meanwhile, I wonder if I’ve just lifted a bit from Douglas Adams.
* * *
At home again, where my girlfriend is making me look at purses on her laptop.
Me: Eight hundred dollars for a purse? I don’t understand why women make less than men. They should make more than men, because they spend so much of their income on useless crap.
My girlfriend: It’s not useless! You can put lipstick in it.
Me: You know what else you can put lipstick in? A pocket. And pockets come free with pants!
My girlfriend laughs. “Go Banter Report that. Then come right back and look at purses with me.”
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