The Banter Report


At home, listening to Christmas music, as The Killers’ “Great Big Sled” comes on.

Me: You know what would be terrible? Christian prog jingle bell rock.
My girlfriend: Hey, speaking of Christian rock, did you know that Brandon Flowers is a—
Me: Mormon?
My girlfriend: Yes.
Me: No. Is he?

“You make me so mad!”

* * *

At home, while my girlfriend reads the Internet.

My girlfriend: You know that baby at the airport who fell 15 meters and died? Well, the family was on its way to Argentina to have it baptized?
Me: So … trip cancelled?
My girlfriend: Now it’s going to be in purgatory forever.
Me: Which is pretty much the same as being in the airport, really.

My girlfriend, both a Catholic and a seasoned air traveller, considers this, then shrugs in agreement. Meanwhile, I wonder if I’ve just lifted a bit from Douglas Adams.

* * *

At home again, where my girlfriend is making me look at purses on her laptop.

Me: Eight hundred dollars for a purse? I don’t understand why women make less than men. They should make more than men, because they spend so much of their income on useless crap.
My girlfriend: It’s not useless! You can put lipstick in it.
Me: You know what else you can put lipstick in? A pocket. And pockets come free with pants!

My girlfriend laughs. “Go Banter Report that. Then come right back and look at purses with me.”

5 Responses to “The Banter Report”

  1. 1 Marlene

    Somebody might want a new purse for Christmas…just throwing that out there. 🙂

  2. 2 Scott

    You might as well just stop her at “did you know” every time with a “yes”.

  3. 3 Elizabeth

    James sympathizes with your having to look at purses online. He feels your pain and disbelief.

  4. 4 Eric

    Pockets are supposed to come free with pants!? And here I was paying extra for them from the pants store like a sucker.

  5. 5 rupertdogstein

    Marlene: Just because someone wants something that costs $800 for Christmas doesn’t mean they’re going to get it. Especially when it has no discernable value.

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