A pearl of disgusting wisdom


As I’ve mentioned, my friend Neil writes a blog celebrating life’s many simple pleasures called 1000 Awesome Things, and he’s doing very well at it: Not only is a book version titled The Book of Awesome imminent, but he’s already nearly halfway through his countdown. He’s getting to the light at the end of the tunnel, to borrow the title of post #567, one of my favorites.

Of course, I mention all this for self-serving reasons, having inspired post #550: When your roommate cleans the place while you’re away. Not unjustifiably, some are hailing me as a genius in the comments; that said, it’s not even remotely the smartest thing I’ve said at his site. Keeping in mind that a pearl forms spontaneously under accidental conditions when foreign detritus becomes trapped in a living organism, I give you this pearl of wisdom from the comment thread of post #564: Fishing a big piece of lint out of your belly button:

I generate an incredible amount of navel lint. I’m like a human lint trap. I could get a part-time job just standing in front of dryers at the laundromat.

My theory is that it’s because I’m hairy; the hair around my navel works like a spiraling vortex drawing lint particles into my navel like matter being sucked into a black hole. Thus, a linty navel is essentially a secondary sexual characteristic, a sign of manliness and one’s primal nature. The hairless epicene cannot collect lint nearly as efficiently. (Neither can the thin, for that matter; a deep navel is the result of surrounding abdominal fat, a sign of prosperity.)

So lint is basically sexy. Proof positive: My girlfriend, who has strong grooming instincts, loves nothing more than to pull it out of my navel, issuing low, satisfied breathy sounds as she does. It used to be that I’d just casually scoop any navel detritus into the toilet while I was standing over it for other business. Now? I inevitably just put it back in there for her to discover later.


One Response to “A pearl of disgusting wisdom”

  1. 1 Marlene

    Ew. I wish I didn’t read that.

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