Tweets from an election

26Oct10

Last night, as Toronto voted in its new mayor, I registered my feelings via Facebook and Twitter. Here are the highlights:

  • Why do all these politicians want to stop the gravy train? It sounds delicious! In fact, let’s hook up some hopper cars full of fries and cheese curd.
  • If you want a mayor who sneaks out of hiding to repair shoes and perform household tasks while you sleep in return for gifts of food and honey, Joe Pantalone is your gnome.
  • I have a voting-reform idea in which Toronto’s mayor would be chosen via pie-eating contest, but man, is this ever the wrong year for that.
  • Rob Ford looks like Mike Love with Brian Wilson’s 1970s eating habits.
  • This just in: Rob Ford is going to stop the gravy train … and drink the contents.
  • Thus begins four years of saying, “Don’t blame me; I voted for the other thoroughly unappetizing candidate.”
  • Bono would be happy to know “Beautiful Day” was played at Rob Ford’s victory party. Both have worked hard to stop hunger — Bono, in the third world, Ford, his own.
  • I long for the day when the mayor’s office was inhabited by statesmen of dignity and gravitas, like Mel Lastman.
  • I feel bad for Ford’s successor. “How do you possibly stretch out a mayor’s robe? And why is it all covered in barbecue sauce stains?”
  • At least Ford looks unlikely to actually live out his term. Look at his current condition and add the stress of running a major city. What’s the over/under on a fatal heart attack? Two years? 18 months?
  • As a side bet, the smart money is on 89-year-old Mississauga mayor Hazel McCallion outliving him. And us.
  • Mel Lastman is now adding his old office to the list of places he won’t go for fear of being cooked in a pot and eaten.
  • Lastman: “Who’s a worse mayor in Toronto’s recent history than me? NOOOOOOOOOO … what? Really? He did? Oh, wow.”
  • What if we just waited until they were asleep and switched the new mayors of Toronto and Calgary? Would that work?
  • I hope Rob Ford explodes a Diet Coke all over himself during his victory speech.
  • Ford: “I want to congratulate the 44 councillors who were elected. I will be calling the 22 of them that I don’t intend to fire tomorrow.”
  • I’m glad Ford doesn’t intend any more $12,000 retirement parties for city councillors, especially since he intends to somehow convince half of them to vote to eliminate their own jobs.
  • Sure, Toronto, you feel good about Rob Ford now, but wait till he drops that first slave girl through a trap door into the Rancor pit.
  • I feel like I’m being ungracious. Let’s all join Mayor Ford in raising a glass of hot, melted butter to toast his victory.


12 Responses to “Tweets from an election”

  1. 1 Scott

    You are getting spammed, Peter Lynn : :

  2. My spam filter caught those comments, but I was in a generous mood and let them through.

  3. 3 meh

    you should add ‘Toronto Mayor Rob Ford shows up an hour late, missing the ribbon cutting ceremony at the The Scotiabank Toronto Caribbean Carnival’ to your spreadsheet. (https://docs.google.com/spreadsheet/lv?key=0AhpNgYjOr8FzdGhZNVFocUhERUxzRGJBMFBtVDZHaUE#gid=0)

  4. 4 meh

    this too: Mayor Rob Ford skips Day 4 of council meeting for vacation to catch the Bomber Argo game in Winnipeg where throughout the game he laughed and even waved as fans booed or chanted “crack” from the stands. Some reached for high-fives.

  5. 5 meh

    same trip: Doug says Rob will have a meeting with Winnipeg’s mayor but the mayor will be disappointed if hopes to meet with Winnipeg Mayor Sam Katz. The Winnipeg Free Press reports that Katz is out of town.

  6. 6 meh

    in August 2012 he did basically the same thing: Ford had hoped to pop in on Edmonton Mayor Stephen Mandel but he wasn’t there, so Ford got a tour of city hall instead. (Mandel’s staff told the Star that if he returned to Edmonton in time, he would accompany Ford to the Friday game.)

    Calgary Mayor Naheed Nenshi is vacationing in P.E.I.

  7. 7 meh

    also: July 26, 2011: A Toronto woman accuses Ford of giving her the finger after she asked him to get off his cellphone while driving. Ford says the incident was a misunderstanding.

    • 8 meh

      oops! i meant this: Oct. 5, 2011: Another woman accuses Ford of talking and texting on his cellphone while behind the wheel. Calls flood in for the mayor to hire a driver, but Ford declines and describes such an expense as a waste of taxpayer dollars.

  8. 9 meh

    also: Sept. 19, 2012: While on an official visit to Chicago, Ford mistakenly identifies Winnipeg as a city located across the border from Detroit. Winnipeg Mayor Sam Katz volunteered to give his Toronto counterpart some geography lessons, since Winnipeg is roughly 1,800 kilometres from where Ford had said it was.

  9. 10 Peter Lynn

    Keep it coming!

  10. 12 meh

    here’s another…

    Pressed for specifics, Mihevc pointed to last summer’s Salsa on St. Clair street festival, where he said he witnessed Ford “walking with a little bit of a funny bounce, and slightly slurred speech … intoxicated.”

    http://www.thestar.com/news/city_hall/2013/03/27/ainslie_email_details_what_happened_at_garrison_ball.html


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