Things I shouldn’t have said

  • Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer is like a parable about retarded kids. They’re born looking a little different, and we make fun of them, but when you go to McDonalds and need a basket of fries cooked, they work harder than anyone else and save the day.”
  • “I’ve banged so many black chicks they call my dick the Ghetto Blaster.”
  • “Five good farts from now, these pants will either be comfortable to wear again or completely uninhabitable.”

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