Recent tweets


What’s lazier than blogging? Tweeting. And what’s lazier than that? Compiling recent entries from my Twitter feed in place of a blog post. But this is what we’ve come to.

  • Just once I’d like to see a Playboy Playmate include “decomposing human remains” on her list of turn-offs.
  • It’s weird to watch a Cosby Show where Adam Sandler is in a locker room bragging to Theo about having fucked one of their classmates.
  • Making my dog wear a coat with pictures of bones is like me wearing one with a Dorito motif. Yeah, I like eating ’em; don’t wanna wear ’em.
  • I figured out why Ali Lohan looked 33 when she was 13: She has sexy progeria.
  • “Teen Mom” is that show with the girl who has a family curse that sporadically makes her pregnant and really good at basketball, right?
  • I just used a urinal whose pattern of drain holes resembled the shaft and glans of a penis, which is weirdly subliminal and Freudian.
  • Here’s some food for thought: Fish.
  • “It’s Adam and Eve, not Adam and wizard sleeve!”—my new abstinence-only slogan.
  • If I were macho female-to-male transsexual porn star Buck Angel, I’d have gone with “Cunt Eastwood” as my stage name instead.
  • “Q. What’s long and hard on a black man? A. This week! Friday can’t come soon enough, am I right?”—me, all the time, if I were black.

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