I believe Governor Brown has a heart, even though he believes I do not. I believe he’s a good American, even though he feels I am not. I believe in the soul, the cock, the pussy, the small of a woman’s back, the hanging curveball, high fiber, good Scotch, that the novels of Susan Sontag are self-indulgent, overrated crap. I believe Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone. I believe there oughta be a constitutional amendment outlawing AstroTurf and the designated hitter. I believe in the sweet spot, soft-core pornography, opening your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas Eve. And I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days. But as I leave you, I want you to know … just think what you’re gonna be missing. You won’t have Nixon to kick around anymore, because, gentlemen, this is my last press conference. Thank you and good day.
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