Now I want you to remember that no bastard ever won a war by dying for his country. He won it by making the other poor dumb bastard die for his country. By God, I actually pity those poor bastards we’re going up against. We’re not just gonna shoot the bastards—we’re going to cut out their living guts and use them to grease the treads of our tanks. We’re going to murder those lousy bastards by the bushel. Now, some of you boys, I know, are wondering whether or not you’ll chicken out under fire. Don’t worry about it. I can assure you that you will all do your duty. Wade into the enemy, spill their blood, shoot them in the belly. When you put your hand into a bunch of goo that a moment before was your best friend’s face, you’ll know what to do. Now there’s another thing I want you to remember. I don’t want to get any messages saying that we are holding our position. We’re not holding anything. Let the Hun do that. We are advancing constantly and we’re not interested in holding onto anything except the enemy. We’re ten hours from the fucking fun park and you want to bail out! Well, I’ll tell you something. This is no longer a vacation. It’s a quest. It’s a quest for fun. I’m gonna have fun and you’re gonna have fun. We’re all gonna have so much fucking fun we’ll need plastic surgery to remove our goddamn smiles. You’ll be whistling “Zip-A-Dee Doo-Dah” out of your assholes! Ha, ha, ha. I gotta be crazy! I’m on a pilgrimage to see a moose. Praise Marty Moose! Holy shit!
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