All right, now pay attention. First of all, Rat, you never let on how much you like a girl. “Oh, Debbie. Hi.” Two, you always call the shots. “Kiss me. You won’t regret it.” Now three, act like wherever you are, that’s the place to be. “Isn’t this great?” Four, when ordering food, you find out what she wants, then order for the both of ya. It’s a classy move. “Now, the lady will have the linguini and white clam sauce, and a Coke with no ice.” Five, respect the cock! And tame the cunt! Tame it! Take it on headfirst with the skills that I will teach you and say no! You will not control me! No! You will not take my soul! No! You will not win this game! ‘Cause it is a game. You want to think it’s not, huh? You go back to the schoolyard and you have that crush on big-titted Mary Jane. Respect the cock. You are embedding this thought. I am the one who’s in charge. I am the one who says Yes!… No!… Now!… Here!… And it’s universal, man. It is evolutional. It is anthropological. It is biological. It is animal. We… are… men! And six, now this is the most important, Rat. When it comes down to making out, whenever possible, put on side one of Led Zeppelin IV.
Filed under: Monologue Mash-ups | Leave a Comment