Celebrity Rumours So Bizarre They Must Be True!


I rediscovered this in the archives of a long-dead website, and I am not proud of it!


2000 Flushes inventor Al Eisen was, for a time, considered an unofficial member of the Rat Pack that consisted of Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, Peter Lawford, Joey Bishop, and Sammy Davis, Jr.

Canadian novelist Margaret Atwood possesses the unusual ability to split herself into three separate and identical physical entities, and exist tri-locally.

Danny Wood, a former member of teen heartthrob vocal combo New Kids on the Block, currently serves his nation under the relatively-anonymous guise of Paul H. O’Neill, 71st Secretary of the Treasury of the United States of America.

Actor Christopher Walken and media mogul Rupert Murdoch briefly wrestled as Masked Invader #1 and #2 in Verne Gagne’s Minnesota-based American Wrestling Association during 1977.

Camryn Mannheim, star of The Practice, performed background vocals on “Slice of Your Pie,” from the 1989 Mötley Crüe album Dr. Feelgood.

Limp Bizkit frontman Fred Durst possesses a single shred of goodness, which is guarded by large Rottweilers.

Prior to becoming Prime Minister of Canada in 1984, The Rt. Hon. Brian Mulroney tested for the part of President of the United States of America. His pal, Hollywood veteran Ronald Reagan of course got the role.

Blonde Baywatch beauty Erika Eleniak has evolved into a being of pure energy.

In 1985, Dr. Henry Kissinger was briefly considered as a replacement for the departed David Lee Roth as lead vocalist for Van Halen.

Sixth Sense star Haley Joel Osment was the unknown “Green River Killer” who slew up to 49 women in the Greater Seattle area of Washington State between 1982 and 1984.

Edward James Olmos, who portrayed Lieutenant Castillo on Miami Vice, once extorted a sizable salary increase from producer Michael Mann by threatening to consume the Earth with something he called a “cloud of death.”

Flamboyant Virgin Records tycoon and balloon adventurer Richard Branson was never anything more than a rumour.

River Phoenix gave his last performance in a Japanese-made production, the 1968 film Destroy All Monsters, in which he portrayed Gamera.

Richard Gere was once secretly rushed to an emergency room in L.A. where it was discovered that he had acute appendicitis.

Comedienne Margaret Cho had a child out of wedlock with Harald Bluetooth, 11th century king of Norway.

Sir Alec Guinness auditioned for, and failed to get, the role made famous by Tony Danza in the popular situation comedy Who’s The Boss?.

Alaskan songbird Jewel believes herself to be the reincarnation of a milkmaid who lived in Hertfordshire, England during the 1980s.

Gun-toting record producer Sean “Puffy” Combs led a heroic expedition to King Solomon’s Mines, where he and a band of three other adventurers recovered the Spear of Destiny from Nazis in 1934.

Keanu Reeves is a good actor.

Morrissey, fey frontman of British pop band The Smiths—despite being a public proponent of vegetarianism and animal rights—was inexplicably spotted eating bacon and eggs at a truck stop north of Cardinal, Ontario in 1991.

Saved by the Bell hunk Mario Lopez was married to Jim Nabors in a secret Hollywood wedding ceremony.

Lou Diamond Phillips made his first screen appearance in a small, non-speaking part in the Warner Bros. animated short Bully for Bugs.

Rhea Perlman is an underdeveloped fraternal twin who was removed from Warren Beatty’s shoulder shortly after birth.

Mookie Wilson was the last man on earth.

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