Archive for the ‘Dead People Are Chumps’ Category

Hey, guess who I’m officially three days older than now: Wu Tang Clan member Ol’ Dirty Bastard. It kind of raises the question of why they called him “Ol’ ” anyway. Two days short of your thirty-sixth birthday isn’t that old. Maybe “Ol’ was really short for “Olfactorily offensive.” After all, the man was dirty. […]

Hey, guess what I don’t have in common with cosmonaut Yuri Gagarin, outlaw Jesse James, and sitcom starlet Dana Plato as of today? I lived to be thirty five! I’m halfway to my Biblically appointed threescore and ten years. That officially makes me middle aged. Not like you, playwright Joe Orton! Suck my balls, gaylord! […]

Merry Petermas


Greetings to you on what is an important religious holiday celebrated by millions of faithful worshippers. I refer, of course, to Buddha’s birthday, which is generally celebrated on the eighth day of the fourth month of the lunar calendar, but is just observed on April 8 in Japan, where they don’t hold any truck with […]