Archive for the ‘Miscellaneous Improvements’ Category

The Slammy Awards Tonight, World Wrestling Entertainment holds its annual Slammy Awards, recognizing excellence in the fields of ring apparel, baby oil application, and Spanish-announcer-table destruction. But although it would greatly increase the running time of the broadcast, this red carpet event would be much improved by the inclusion of an “In Memoriam” segment to […]

Sex and the City: The Next Generation I wasn’t excited about Sex and the City returning to TV until realizing it essentially meant they were rebooting the Golden Girls franchise. But how about going another direction? To appeal to modern television audiences, the new Sex and the City TV series should feature CSI-style shots of […]

The Paul Reiser Show If Cheryl Hines and Courtney Cox had a baby (and who wouldn’t mind watching them attempt this?), it would basically look like Amy Landecker, who plays Paul Reiser’s wife on his eponymous and mediocre new show. So there’s nothing wrong with Amy Landecker. However, if they have to cast an actress […]

Two and a Half Men With his wildly popular TV show yanked off the air in response to his public blasting of Two and a Half Men creator Chuck Lorre, Charlie Sheen appears to be finally settling the question of whether he could force his own firing before suffering a fatal mid-orgy heart attack, asphyxiating […]

Mark Twain’s The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn As you might have heard, a new bowdlerized version of Mark Twain’s The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn is coming out, and I for one couldn’t be happier. Finally, children won’t be exposed to the obscene language of the original, and all can enjoy the climactic scene in which […]

The NHL all-star game Since I discussed the skills competition last time, the NHL has announced a change to its all-star game format: Instead of teams representing the Eastern and Western Conferences, two captains will take turns picking players from either conference to essentially form the two best pond-hockey teams ever assembled. One flaw, however, […]

Watching your weight The technology used in Total Recall to implant false memories of Martian vacations could also be used to instill pleasant memories of eating Baconators and KFC Double Downs without actually raising your cholesterol. This should offset some of the health problems of the future, beside which our current obesity epidemic will pale […]

Annoying Chad Kroeger: First off, insist on calling him “Chad Nickelback”. I mean, he is the main creative force behind the band (even though all their songs sound the same), so the band should be named after him. Later, call him late at night, purporting to be telephoning from the Enchantment Under the Sea dance, […]

The MTV Video Music Awards: While the most popular thing Russell Crowe’s rock band 30 Odd Foot of Grunts ever released might have been a press release about the band’s breakup, Crowe should not only remain involved with music but in fact receive awards recognizing his work. I just want to see what happens when […]

Jukebox musicals: My girlfriend thinks Michael Jackson missed a huge opportunity in not adapting his own greatest hits for a Mamma Mia!-style jukebox musical. Not only are the songs already there, but so is the choreography. I think it’s still a great idea for someone to pick up this ball and run with it. (I’d […]