Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

Following up on a conversation about Oxford’s controversial word of the year from a couple of months ago, your favorite reclusive former internet humorist Jay Pinkerton sent me an unusually verbose one-line missive this morning asking, “Sick of selfie yet? I can ask again in six months.” Gradually becoming increasingly aware that he’d tricked me […]

Lots of things ended in 2013, the three most important being Breaking Bad, the Justin Bieber/Selena Gomez relationship, and the papacy of Benedict XVI, in that order. But lots of people ended too, some more so than others. Let’s face it, there’s dead, and then there’s really dead. Glee star Cory Monteith, for example, doesn’t […]

X-mas XI


Ten years of holiday music compilations is a nice round number to stop at, so naturally I did another one. For the eleventh consecutive year, there will be no “Santa Baby”. The point here, as usual, isn’t to recycle tired old holiday treacle; it’s to compile a collection of wintry songs you can listen to […]

Before I was a married man, I was a single man. One of the best and worst parts of that was having housemates; I used to live with a brain-damaged woman named Toula who, while occasionally frustrating to live with, at least made for good stories. Here’s a lost Toula story I meant to post […]

1. Formation “The only time this much havoc had been wreaked by this few a number of people, you need to go all the way back to the Horse Semen of the Apocalypse!”—Arn Anderson *** 2. Domination “That’s right, Tully and Barry might be out celebrating right now, but we are still weeks away from […]

“Who was that Greek guy who used to feud with ‘Classy’ Freddie Blassie?” “‘The Golden Greek’ John Tolos.” “Right. Not to be confused with ‘The Golden Greek’ Jim Londos.” “I think all Greek wrestlers are just called ‘The Golden Greek.’” “Except ‘The Golden Greek’ Spiros Arion, later known as the Iron Greek.” “Not to be […]

The world didn’t end in 2012, it turned out, but more than a few things on it did. For instance, there’s the Tom Cruise/Katie Holmes sham marriage. A brief but well-loved televised comedic star turn by a coat-wearing monkey (meaning, of course, the short-lived NBC sitcom Animal Practice, though there was also quite a hubbub […]

X-mas X


On November 1, the day after Halloween, Shoppers Drug Mart stores here in Canada began playing Christmas music, which is the most egregious example of Christmas creep that I’ve yet seen. Many agreed; after a heartening backlash from customers, the company agreed to cease and desist the holiday cheer (at least temporarily). Is it still […]

My left ear


“Hey, remember how I worried I was going deaf in my left ear?” “Yes?” “Well, I took a push pin…” “Uh-oh…” “And I jammed it in and dug it around…” “A push pin?!” [cringe] “And I cleared a bunch of earwax out of the hole in my left ear—” “Oh God!” “—phone. Cleared it right […]



Brownbuddy: My wife chastised me for texting while pooping. I told her that everyone does it … it’s called “browntexting”. Me: Ha. Added to my vocabulary. BB: The font colour should change automatically. Me: You are a genius today. *** BB: I’ve got a Pavlovian thing going on where I always think of you instead […]